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  • afonleas
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09 May 15 #461040 by afonleas
Reply from afonleas
A good reply Eliza,

Like most of you,I trusted Twonk entirely,and if the person who should have had my back let me down,then anyone can.
On my profile page,I have stated that I have learnt many things throughout this malarky,and one of them is not to trust again.That statement is very sad,and I hope it proves me wrong,but if we are honest,we can only rely on ourselves...

Trust comes in many forms,and much of it we take for granted etc,water coming from the tap,electricity,the car etc..We trust that these happen,then we get annoyed when they don''t,but it''s not the end of the world..
When you place your trust in another person,and that is abused,it can feel like the end of the world.

We have all been damaged in some ways because of divorce,but also we are more alert than we were before,so do we trust entirely?
I honestly don''t think we will,we can get as near as dammit to it,but not entirely.
Another thought,when we trust someone and they abuse that trust,who is wrong?
Us for trusting them
Or them for abusing it!!!

My thoughts it''s them,but am I wrong?? As a person I do what I can to help others,not for any return,it''s just who I am,so that is a form of trust,I am trusting that I can help you in some way.So if someone I trust abuses me,that tells me that possibly i am not worthy in some way,if they think that''s an okay thing to do to me.....
Okay long winded I know,but I hope you get my drift :dry:

Trust is a small word,with a massive emotion attached to it,it can build you up,or crash you down....Hopefully we all learn to trust again,but more importantly none of us ever abuse the trust that someone places in us,because I think that is a compliment,that another person thinks enough of us to give us their trust:)

Afon xx

  • Vastra1
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09 May 15 #461046 by Vastra1
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I''m with Eliza and Afonleas on this one, and a few unfortunate dating experiences reinforced for me that there are plenty more liars and serial cheaters out there, and that being single is a better option for me now. I trust my friends and family but trusting a potential partner is not likely to happen.

  • Forester
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09 May 15 #461056 by Forester
Reply from Forester
When that tingling feeling kicks up, I''ll guarantee trust won''t even get a thought. Just don''t hand over the dregs of cash you were able to salvage from your marriage.

I don''t have the slightest worry about trusting again, it''s gone, and it took stupidity and vulnerability along with it. I''ll try not to replace it with selfishness, and I''mm determined to chase bitterness away with a whopping great mental broom. I fully intend to continue to pursue happiness though, and at this stage I seem to be getting more and more grateful that this massive life change took place.

  • tangozebra
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09 May 15 #461059 by tangozebra
Reply from tangozebra
Well said Forester. I have no problem trusting, you just have to earn it. Also, I am a lot wiser and will not get involved with anyone who has issues with their sense of self, ability to be calm under pressure and the simple ability to be see the positives in life. One thing I promised myself is never to be an emotional manager ever again. Maintenance of the emotional state of a partner is not my responsibility.

Hence, you can trust, but only after they have earned your trust and they have proved that they are truly balanced and sane.

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09 May 15 #461061 by Forester
Reply from Forester
Maintenance of the emotional state of a partner is not my responsibility.

I love that. Thanks Tangozebra. I did that too, and I even find myself doing it to friend''s partners when they are in a grump, and I''m worried for the friend. Definitely my motto of the month.

  • Declan
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09 May 15 #461062 by Declan
Reply from Declan
Quite a mixed bag of thoughts there. Which i guess reflects how we are,

We are all individual and different in our ways , no one right or wrong,

Reading the replies to the post have helped me in my journey hell of a lot.

For that I thank you .. each and everyone----

For me,it just reinforces that I am me with my thoughts and opinions like every one else ===each one as valid as another -- and i am not losing it,,,, leastways not yet

Once again thank you all for the replies. They really have helped me.



  • Marshy_
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12 May 15 #461213 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Declan wrote:

Is it possible to ever truly trust a member of the opposite sex after the pain of divorce? Really trust them without thinking what is their angle.

Trust is a funny thing. And I think it comes down to situation. Before all this happened to you, how would you answer your question if say a friend posed the same question to you?

And now? You dont like to trust. Its understandable and wise to have this view.

This is my belief. And mine only. YMMV.

I trust nothing completely. That being the kettle that makes my cuppa in the morning. The milk in the fridge. The traffic lights down the road and that the electric will be on. If I do this then I will never be disappointed. I take nothing for granted. And that to me, is my way forwards.

But if you take away our situations and look at what trust actually is, trust has to be earned. Every time something comes good for you, you can trust it a little more that it will keep coming good. Be that a toaster, a person. The minute something or someone does not come good or let you down, then the trust goes down.

But no one or no thing ever should be trusted 100%. Thats unfair and not realistic. And trusting someone or something 100% will at some point just disappoint. No person or thing can ever be trusted 100%. If you keep this in mind, you wont go far wrong.


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