And so it begins!

After many years of separation and my husband wanting to divorce me on 5 years separation. I have finally taken the step of appointing a solicitor, who I feel fairly confident about so far that he will do a good job. Luckily, I was able to get one who doesn''t expect money up front, it will come out of the final settlement.

Now the problem is I have only just started but having been on this site for many years I have done a lot of research and posted lots of questions so I feel much more prepared and stronger than I would have if I had had to do this earlier.

However, I can feel myself getting all anxious again and feel upset. I feel like I have gone right back to the time he initially left me when I was very distraught for a long time and I still get upset when I see him (hardly ever).

I know I have got to be business-like but my emotions keep coming into it. I''m back to not sleeping or sleeping at stupid times and I''m worrying about the future. Even though I have medication from my GP to help me sleep!

Luckily our kids are all grown up but I know I will probably have to sell the FMH as well which is the worst for me and I dread the thought of the actual move after being here for over 30 years! We''ve been married for over 30 years too!

In the beginning when I read all the posts it was like another language and I just thought we would work things through and get back together. I would read some of the jargon and gloss over it as I thought we would never be going down that route! Now we do and I am totally scared, particularly about the financial side of things because basically I am broke, I''ve got no money, I''ve got huge debts so I can''t really see my situation improving! I also have various health problems. I work for myself and rely on benefits and spousal maintenance payments from my stbx.

So before I embark on this roller coaster of a ride of the nitty gritty can anyone give me some advice or hints and tips or tell me your experience? I look forward to hearing from you wikis!

If you''ve been here on Wiki for the length of your separation you will be well prepared for the process but I''m not surprised to hear that you are wobbly now it''s actually happening. Look after yourself as you did in the early days and maybe focus on the relief you will feel once all ties are severed.
I divorced my ex quickly because I wanted it over and done with and while I do have the occasional emotional reaction when I see him (only in passing we have no contact)especially with his new partner I mainly feel happy and relieved that the divorce is sorted. Your fears are probably worse due to the uncertainty, once you have everything signed and sealed you will know what your situation is regarding selling the house etc. and be able to deal with it, I found the unknown very hard and managed to worry about so many imagined scenarios most of which didn''t happen. As your signature says what doesn''t kill you makes you stronger and I''d add that the best way out is through, clichés but true, good luck.

Hi Clawed, thanks for your reply and I really appreciate what you say. However, I am sad for the loss of our very long marriage which I know could have been sensibly sorted out.

There was never anyone else involved nor is there now. Yes, I am quite independent now in a lot of ways except financially and basically I just don''t want to end up in some tiny little house when I have been used to the good life!

I have plenty of other things going on in my life anyway, work and otherwise so I am definitely keeping busy. I just find it a nuisance that all this divorce drama is interrupting all the other things I am trying to do at the moment. I really don''t have the time for it!

Anyway, I''ll keep you tuned as to how it goes!

A busy happy life is a great compensation, I was married 34 years and I do look back at the happy times and feel the loss but mainly I look forward. As you know that the financial situation is most important to you it will be money well spent to get the best legal advice and fight hard for what you want. I was more concerned with getting the divorce over with no contact or animosity so I didn''t argue finances. I shall look out for your updates.

Hi

You could be really "prepared" for having a baby by attending antenatal classes and reading the books, but nothing really prepares you!

Certainty is always better than uncertainty. I''m just getting round to divorce after 7 years'' separation. I thought it would be fine, but it''s quite difficult emotionally, it churns everything up again and I have to talk to ex a lot to sort things out which I know we both find very awkward.

You just have to focus on being more settled once it is sorted, which it will be.

We''re trying to sell the FMH - we had buyers, but just as I found somewhere to move to they pulled out and now after Brexit there are dire warnings of house prices falling. But I can''t control it so I''m going to try not to worry about it.