feeling vulnerable

Hi. I know i''m not in a dreadful situation but still feeling v shaky (grew up v poor and now I''ve had single parenthood foisted on me i''m worrying, probably unnecessarily, about that happening to my kids).

Husband (48) having a clichéd midlife crisis and he has run off to be with pretty, 20 yrs younger girl he met at work (he''s the MD). So after 24yrs together (14 married) and three kids (16/14/10)i''m home alone with the kids who are so upset they will barely speak to him. Doing all I can to fix that but need a bit of reassurance about financial position..

I''m awaiting his proposal which I think is likely to be 50/50. Equity on family house is about £360k and own a flat outright worth £100k. His pensions are worth around £200k and he earns £140k pa while I have no income cos ive been busy with kids and giving him lots of opportunity to grow his business. Have just started a nursing degree but will never earn anything like he does and my choice of career is still dictated by the need to be around for the kids esp the youngest. He hopes his shares in the business will be worth £600k and he''s hoping to sell it this year.

I don''t want to be grabby and i''m not into expensive designer gear or furs or jewels but I''m feeling a bit aggrieved that he will go on with his huge salary and expensive girlie while I''m just grateful for whatever he throws my way.

Any thoughts on fairness please folks?

Sorry you are feeling so vulnerable but you sound like a wonderful competent woman, congratulations on starting your nursing degree I''m sure your aim to maximise your own earning potential and the boost to your self worth of studying will be worth more than any divorce settlement to you in terms of well being! Sorry if that sounds patronising it''s meant as a compliment not to say that you shouldn''t get as much from the marital pot as you are entitled to. I would be using a good solicitor who can advise you so that you get what is due rather than feeling aggrieved.

Sorry duplicate

Hi and welcome to Wikivorce - you will find some great advice here as well as emotional support.

Congratulations on starting your nursing degree. I recently finished an MSc I had started before my STBX left. I found it difficult at times with the emotional stress of separation - but extremely rewarding.

I am sure one of the more experienced wikis will give you some advice, but I wanted to reassure you - looking after the home and caring for a family is considered equally important in the eyes of the law.

Your STBX would have found it very hard to grow your business without your support.

You should expect to be supported whilst you complete your retraining and he is equally responsible for providing financial support for the kids.

Plus you are both responsible for putting a roof over the heads of the kids.

It is likely the 50/50 balance will shift towards your favour, if you are expected to provide the main childcare.

Please take a look at any benefits you can get - single persons council tax, child benefit, child maintenance...

I also managed to cut a lot of our bills by swapping using comparison websites.

Sending you hugs ((()))

Thank you both - your replies are much appreciated. As I said, I''m probably worrying more than I need to cos I know that relative to most we are pretty well off. But in the dead of night reason goes out of the window! How long before I stop feeling stunned by his very abrupt walk out though??? Had no clue at all - stupid me!