where do i start?

Married 15 yrs, co-habited before this. 3 children. I have always worked full time and did childcare. OH has been in and out of work, largely by choice. that means I have a pension, OH doesn't because mostly opted out by choice. OH is currently not working and not looking for work. Where do I start working out what who is entitled to? is the OH automatically entitled to 50:50 even though the children want to stay in the family home? does OH get half my pension even though he has chosen never to have one? if OH has debts (I don't know but I suspect)do I have to pay for these too? This feels very unfair and I don't know where to start:(

Hello and welcome to wikivorce although I'm sorry you need to be here.

As you have been married for 15 years and co-habited prior to that, the whole of that time is taken into account, which is considered a long marriage. The usual starting point for division of assets in that case is 50/50, but there are a number of factors to be taken into account. For example, providing a home for the children is a major factor in how assets may be divided. The main carer of the children would need a greater share of any assets.

On the face of it, it does seem you have been making major one-sided contributions to the household expenses, family living costs and pension provision.

A good place to start is to assess your finances and make a list of assets, total income and outgoings. Start to get some hard facts down on paper and create a papertrail of payslips, bank statements, receipts for major purchases, etc.

Are there any direct debits? Find all the bills - water, council tax, insurances (house, car), road tax, gas, electric, TV license.

Look at how much is spent on food shopping and petrol. Do you pay childcare fees?

Finally, look at what is coming in...salary. Child Benefit? Tax Credits? Any other benefits?

If your children are to live with you then your husband would be liable to pay child maintenance. If you are fairly amicable, although it doesn't seem as though you are at the moment, you can agree an amount between yourselves. Otherwise you would have to apply to the Child Maintenance Service for them to calculate the amount he would have to pay, although if he's not intending working...

When you've got all the information together, in order to get an idea of how you might split your finances, it's best to post details of your ages, respective incomes, outgoings, any assets, liabilities, age of children etc and people will try to help you see how things might work out for you.

That's where to start and you will get a lot of help and emotional support on this Forum.

Many thanks Mitchum. I will make a start on this.

Feeling a bit stuck. emotionally this is raw still and I think I am avoiding making decisions.

We have 3 teenaged children at highschool. They want to stay in the family home with me.

I work full time but flexi so childcare and appointments is not an issue.

My OH has no job. lost it a few years ago, tried own business but it didn't work. Not working officially at present, bit of cash in hand stuff. He contributes to about 25% household bills. He isn't looking for employment as far as I know.

He has decided he wants to separate but is now saying he cant afford to do anything until I pay him off. He wants 50% everything- 120-140k equity. I have about 15 years in a pension- he has none- by choice and by years of on/off employment. we have about 25k in assets including cars and savings. I dont know if he has debt- if he does it is in his own name, we have no joint accounts other than mortgage.


I could just about pay the current bills alone and keep the children in the home they feel settled. It would take all my wages and tax credits to do this.

I am not in a position to remortgage at present due to job insecurity.


questions.
any ideas how this would normally pan out?

does he have anything to gain by not working?

if he refuses to work to pay rent elsewhere, where does this leave me and the children re the family home?.

out of interest, if I continue to save in a pension or bits in savings to pay for legal costs from now onwards( therefore after he has ended the marriage), is he still entitled to what is accrued from hereon in?

sorry for the desperate plea, I just feel stuck and this is causing me immense anxiety. I know I need legal financial advice but I am reluctant to pay for this until i have full facts from him.
I would really appreciate any responses.

many thanks