Help with a complicated scenario

I'll try and keep as brief as possible because as with all there's always more details.

me 37 50k pa
her 37 38k pa*

married 16 years (together 22), 3 kids. 21,18,14
joint mortgage home. Worth 440k mortgage 160k

18/14 year old live with me. Zero contact with her. She pays min £7 pw child maintenance.

here I have to deviate for just stats.

2018 I/we received ~80k inheritance from my grandparent. Became part of the house.

she has gambling problem. Shopping/spending problem (well documented) to the point I/many would argue financial abuse.

when we separated she drove a 1 month old car (which I own because she had such a bad credit score) into our home with our children in it. She has since plead guilty to assault on me and dangerous driving.

I've spent upwards of 10k fixing the car and home (because insurance is void as intentional) to both home and car.


I know it's a complicated case and right now I'm just trying to deal with child custody as the kids want nothing to do with her what soo ever but she has submitted for a child arrangements order (2-3 days after she got told she would have to pay £7 per week child maintenance). And this is nearly 2 years on from incident.

to get the whole picture she has accused me of domestic abuse and rape repeatadly. Never before split and when promted. Ie during the non mol hearing I applied for. She has not provided any evidence and obviously I deny that wholly.

It's been a hard slog last 18 months trying to deal with everything. I still have plasterboading to do in home (front nearly came off) and in that entire time she has not been allowed near me and childrens feelings haven't wavered. It's much better situation and divorce will be done in next few weeks I'm hoping and planning settlement will be last thing.

At some point in time as kids will not speak to her. And court will not force kids to speak to her. I will have to instruct solicitors to figure out how we deal with the fact we have a joint mortgage on home and what we both "get".

I've heard all sorts about earning capacity and what worries me is she was a professional and the fact she now has a criminal record from her own doing against me that prevents her from that career so her earning capacity is lower. And worries she will benefit and i/kids will suffer from it.

she has zero contact with them by their choice.

im know im asking a lot but "finger in the air" what would i be justifiable asking for?

50/50 suffer and run for hills
70/30 etc
80/20
95/5 (I've heard it happens)


I have no idea and trying to do what i can for free obvs as I know solicitors will have a field day with this case.

Hi, i'll start off by saying im new to this, very new to divorce and honestly could be giving bad advice here!

Im mid-way through a divorce myself and currently just agreed on financial splits.

I think your post is very common and falls into the same trap I see quite regularly - it appears to be around entitlement and not needs.
The default split will usually be 50/50 and then that percentage is amended based on the needs of each party or more importantly the children involved. The needs of the children will come first.

Rather than trying to pluck a figure out the air, you would be better off trying to substanciate what you need to look after the children.

Lastly, I would use ChatGPT, I have the paid for version and have created a 'Divorce' project with all my details, family details and figures. That can give you some good guidence thats relative to your situ.

Good luck