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mediation and my children

  • dibble35
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9 years 10 months ago #224499 by dibble35
mediation and my children was created by dibble35
Hi All.
Things are moving along for me (faster than i would like but hey ho),my solicitor has recommended mediation for my eldest daughter(shes 8)so she can say how she would like things to be regarding contact with her dad etc,she changes her mind daily loving him then hating him(like me),i think it would really benifit her to talk to a third party as i think she tells me what she thinks i want to hear rather than what she really wants,my stbx however is not keen and wants to sort it between ourselves,ive tried to do that though and cant get any kind of definite contact arrangements from him which our girls need,has anyone else been in this situation?Just want to do whats best for my girls dont want them any more upset than they already are.

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  • zonked
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9 years 10 months ago #224505 by zonked
Replied by zonked on topic Re:mediation and my children
Am no expert but wanted to throw in my two pennies worth.

I think that as parents you and your ex have to make the decisions and allow your dtr some distance. To involve her too closely might mean adding to the pressures she's under, making her feel she had to choose a side. She may not want to hurt you or her dad, at 8 she should not be placed in that position.

In any event, a mediator is not a trained counsellor or therapist and would be the wrong person for your dtr to talk to. If you seriously think she needs support my advice would to ask your GP to make a referral to CAHMS.

Finally, if your dtr was able to express a view to her parents my guess is that she would want you both to act civilly towards each other, sort things out and not to allow any conflict to intrude upon her childhood.

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  • happydays67
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9 years 10 months ago #224508 by happydays67
Replied by happydays67 on topic Re:mediation and my children
Hi Dibble

It may be difficult to go down the mediation route if your stbx doesnt want to agree to it. Some children may not be comfortable speaking to a stranger so wondered if there is a close relative or family friend that your daughter may be happy to talk to. Also possible her Dad may be more willing to listen to what she needs and wants if he hears it from someone you both trust.

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  • dibble35
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9 years 10 months ago #224574 by dibble35
Replied by dibble35 on topic Re:mediation and my children
Thank you both,going down the mediation route was at the advice of my solicitor,after reading your posts it doesnt sound like such a good idea,i am still on civil terms with ex although the last few days this seems to be breaking down,im hoping we can put our differences aside and sort out regular visits for the girls,my parents split when i was 7 and i hardly ever saw my dad and it still affects me to this day,i dont want them to go through that.

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