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Advice please - mediation today

  • landoffairies
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9 years 9 months ago #232911 by landoffairies
Advice please - mediation today was created by landoffairies
Hi I would be really grateful for any advice, hints or suggestions anyone may have that would help me today in mediation regarding child residency and finances.
Briefly-
Marriage and co habitation 3 1/2yrs,
child- 2 yrs resides with me,
ex- high earner and employed, (£100k)
me- basic minimum wage but unemployed following redundancy (£9k)
ex - no marital debt
me- marital debt (£27k)
FMH unoccupied but in ex sole name. Now in rented and cohabiting with partner who is employed. He chooses not to reside in FMH which has fallen into a state of disrepair. Therefore equity is questionable.
Me and our child in own property with mortgage of £100k.

I have no one to talk through this with and am worried I will be emotionally bullied into agreeing to something which will not put us back on equal footing.

Thanks so much for any advice

Lof

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  • rubytuesday
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9 years 9 months ago #232916 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:Advice please - mediation today
Lof

I cant offer any advice re the mediation stuff, sorry.

I just wanted to send you some hugs for today. You dont have to make a decision today, you can agree to take something away and look at it (and probably ask the lovely wiki-peeps what they think).

Stay strong - you have already come a long way :)

R xx

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  • Lostboy67
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9 years 9 months ago #232918 by Lostboy67
Replied by Lostboy67 on topic Re:Advice please - mediation today
You need to start with two sets of figures etc in mind...
1) What would be the best (reasonable) outcome for you
2) What would be the minimum you would accept.

From these two figures you can start negotiation start at point 1 and be prepared to move closer to point 2, but don't be in any rush to get there. Try if possible to seperate the financial and child parts of things.
Most important thing is that at some point it may become necessary to just get up and walk out, don't be afraid to do this.

I would go into the room with the intention of not agreeing anything final, just getting to what may become a final agreement.

LB

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  • dukey
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9 years 9 months ago #232919 by dukey
Replied by dukey on topic Re:Advice please - mediation today
Stay calm don`t rise to what the ex says and listen to what the mediator has to say.

This is not court its just an informal chat with a guy who will try and help you both.

As lost said try and keep the issues separate, money and child contact .

Mediation only works when both are able to talk listen and be reasonable if it becomes apparent your ex wont mediation will fail.

Focus on immediate needs, your ex is a high earner, how are your finances? if you need help right now make it known you have a baby to support.

Let us all know how it goes, and lots of luck for today.

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  • landoffairies
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9 years 9 months ago #232936 by landoffairies
Replied by landoffairies on topic Re:Advice please - mediation today
Thank you Ruby, LB and Dukey so much.

2 hours to go....I'll update the post when I'm done and dusted and calm.




Lofx

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  • totallylost
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9 years 9 months ago #232937 by totallylost
Replied by totallylost on topic Re:Advice please - mediation today
landoffairies wrote:

Thank you Ruby, LB and Dukey so much.

2 hours to go....I'll update the post when I'm done and dusted and calm.




Lofx


You'll be fine.. Just stay calm and know what you want :)

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  • MrsH2013
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9 years 9 months ago #233024 by MrsH2013
Replied by MrsH2013 on topic Re:Advice please - mediation today
I hope things went as well as they could do for you today.

Sending you a hug ((( )))

Kitty xx

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