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bullying

  • Survived
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9 years 4 months ago #261032 by Survived
bullying was created by Survived
Hi,

I am about to enter mediation and I am a bit worried that my husband - who is a master manipulator - will take over the proceedings and try to bully me into agreeing to his demands. He is still in the FH whilst I moved out due to his unreasonable behaviour. He is gradually turning my children against me with the help of a very spiteful old witch. He has always been able to bully me into agreeing to things which are wrong for me and I don't know if I will have the strength to sit in a room with him and listen to his lies without getting upset and angry. I do not intend to get into an argument with him but he is very good at engineering conflict and then sitting back and smirking whilst I end up in a heap crying my eyes out. This will just aid him to prove to the mediator what a 'fruit cake' I am and what he has had to put up with.

I cannot afford to take him to court and even then I would still have to be in the same room as him at a hearing. We haven't even got a date for mediation yet but I am getting quite nervous and am afraid that I will agree to his demands just to get out of there and away from him. This will be no good for myself or my children as whilst he is playing 'superdad can do no wrong' at the moment it wont last and my kids will be the ones that suffer when he has all the assets and can stop this huge act with them and I have nothing at all to offer.

If he has his way I wont even have the shirt on my back. :(

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  • dukey
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9 years 4 months ago #261034 by dukey
Replied by dukey on topic Re:bullying
Mediators are well used to dealing with dominant and demanding people, they are trained to keep the meetings to the issues that need to be solved.

If the mediation is to help resolve financial issues its all about income and assets and how best to divide them for the benefit of the family.

My husband/wife is a nutter has nothing to do with the money side even if its true.Accusations of mental health issue in acrimonious divorces seem quite common if wiki is anything to go by.

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  • rosiegirl
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9 years 4 months ago #261042 by rosiegirl
Replied by rosiegirl on topic Re:bullying
Hi Weepingwillow

I hope this may help set your mind at ease.

When we went for our first mediation session we were interviewed separately first and I was asked what we were there for, what we wanted to achieve out of mediation (ie a resolution without going to court rather than the details of a settlement) and also, did I feel ok to attend mediation in the same room as my ex.
I assume my ex was asked the same.

We did attend mediation together for most of it but the final session was done in separate rooms with the mediators going between the rooms so that is an option if necessary.

Good luck :).

Rosie

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  • NellNoRegrets
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9 years 4 months ago #261074 by NellNoRegrets
Replied by NellNoRegrets on topic Re:bullying
Toughen up, Willow! Remember willows bend but they don't break, they spring back!

He can only bully you if you choose to let him. Don't. You don't have to be in the same room with him and you don't have to agree what he wants. As I said in chat, no judge is going to agree to one side keeping all the assets and leaving the other side impoverished. The idea is that both parties are left equally well off/poor depending on the assets available and the needs of each party. Whichever parent has most care of the children will get extra to cope with that, but the non-resident parent will be assumed to have children to stay etc and that should be taken into consideration.

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  • Survived
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9 years 4 months ago #261101 by Survived
Replied by Survived on topic Re:bullying
But the way he is going he will have all of the kids, except my eldest whom he doesn't even contact as she is not worth £££ to him as nearly 20 and on benefits - he was more than happy when she came to stay with me and couldn't wait to let council tax know that he was lone adult.

He even told the kids that's why they should stay with him! Otherwise he wont be able to afford anywhere to live, and they feel so sorry for him that they wont come back to me. I don't want them for the £££ I just want them cos I can't bear to be apart from them and it is killing me not to see them. :{

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9 years 4 months ago #261107 by Jollyrocket
Replied by Jollyrocket on topic Re:bullying
Hi WW

My ex was the same. I organised the mediation as he would not sort out anything. However on the form I sent in I told them that he was controlling and that I was afraid of him.

I then did not agree to anything in mediation . So if you do go - then get things simplified and the points for agreement - the go away and think before agreeing.

You have to remember that there is you between him doing the exact same thing to your kids as he has to you. So you have to be as strong as you can. They need you.

Do not agree to anything you dont want or are unsure of.

Crying does not make you a fruit cake - just a normal person sad, upset and worried about your future. Anyone who says otherwise is the fruitcake.

So make sure you tell the mediator before hand and rememebr you dont have to be there or agree to anything you dont want.

Is there no way you can get the kids to live with you???

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  • Survived
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9 years 4 months ago #261110 by Survived
Replied by Survived on topic Re:bullying
My son is with me. I think it is only a matter of time before he is brainwashed too. My youngest daughter was like my shadow but he and this old witch have manipulated her so she doesn't even seem to recognise me as the mum she always had to be with and looks down her nose at me - just like her father always has. She is a very impressionable child and has a lot of her own issues with friendships etc and now 'superdad' and the witch are her best buddys and mum is the nutter who left the family. They are laughing and encouraging her to laugh at me too. and because he wont agree to put the MH on the market my Housing benefits have been stopped - I can't afford to stay in the rented home that I took on just so I could be with the kids, I will have to rent a tiny little flat in the near future and therefore will have nowhere for the kids to come to me anyway and there you go he has acomplished having it all without doing a thing, just sitting back and grinning as he always has done.

I will take your advice though about the mediation . I will not agree to anything at all unless its that he jump in front of an express train. :(

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