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good dad, but needs anger mang, court order poss?

  • kellyb
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18 Jan 13 #374958 by kellyb
Topic started by kellyb

My soon to be ex is an excellent dad, but he has a slightly OCD and austistic personality.

He becomes very angery and acts irrational without warning.

The most worrying thing he did was punch the pillow several times near our 3.5 year olds head, because he wouldn''t count to 5 at 9:30 at night.

He wants 50:50 shared residence, can I get a court order to require him to receive help?

I''m leaving the marriage, as I can''t handle the constent aggression. The angry one minute, kisses the next. (And it''s a proplem with his parents too... his dad hit me, they kick me out of the house, and then gang up on me and tell me I''m delusional.) But more importantly, you can have a conversation and he gets very stressed when he needs to manage his time, and I''m worried our son will be affected by this.

Thank you in advance for your advice.

Here are some other examples:

1. Has thrown away bags of toys and my office things without asking and in anger.

2. Stamps around the house, screaming a want a my Fxxx''ing banana! :woohoo:for over 10 minutes (when someone ate the last one)

3. Flips out if the clean up cloth isn''t in the right place.

He also has very limited sense of saftey. And becomes very angry when I request that he take more care. I say it very nicely,

''we both have different views as parents and it''s important that when the other feels strongly, especially when it comes to saftey, we work together.''

For example:

1. Jumps out at red lights with the bike trailer!

2. If our son hurts him, like by hiting his apple apple, my husband will do it back. Insisting he must learn to retaliate.

3. Refuses to cross at a green man.

4. He tought our 2 year old to hit back. Told me his mother told him it was important and when I phoned her, he went nuts.

When I suggested the anger managment to him, he was irate for 2 full days. He made threats, told me I was unstable and it was generally the most unpleasant the whole divorce has been.

  • WhiteRose
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18 Jan 13 #374974 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
Hi Kelly,

Welcome to Wikivorce!

Has your stbx been medically/clinically diagnosed with anything?


  • kellyb
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18 Jan 13 #375010 by kellyb
Reply from kellyb
Good question, thanks.

No he hasn''t been to see anyone about it. Although it has been suggested for almost 10 years.

I think if he went alone, he would manage to turn all the stories around to seem like ''normal'' reactions.

He often doesn''t remember words exchanged within 5 min of the conversation ending and when I try to intervene to help or ask for apology he then becomes irrated with what he calls ''my delusions''.

However, I am confident that if I were there he would flip into what I call ''an episode.''

Can I request he gets an assement and if so, can I require that I am there to ensure both sides are portrayed?

  • blue_
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18 Jan 13 #375031 by blue_
Reply from blue_

From what you have said it sounds like your husband may have Aspergers or as you have already suggested something on the autistic spectrum.

If you have concerns for your child''s safety/well being I would suggest that you contact your GP in the first instance for advice. You are also quite within your rights to voice your concerns to your husbands GP, particularly if it involves the safety of your child.

Please see the following link also for further guidance www.nspcc.org.uk/inform .

Hope this helps. Good luck.

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