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Bad experience with mediators

  • Avedeluz
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7 years 5 months ago #376920 by Avedeluz
Bad experience with mediators was created by Avedeluz
I had a really bad experience with the mediators handling our divorce. I had followed their complaint procedure which is just that a formal procedure with no results.

I got to the point of involving my local MP but it seems that Im alone in this battle.

Does anyone know who regulates mediation services? It seems to me that as long as someone is paying their fees, either oneself or via public funds they couldn''t care less about the damage they have caused.

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  • sim5355
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7 years 5 months ago #376932 by sim5355
Replied by sim5355 on topic Re:Bad experience with mediators
hi! I would just like to say i did not rate my mediation either my ex a covert narcissistic had telephone conversations with the mediator before i arrived they were on first name terms ,very one sided.I thought it was me until a chance conversation in a school playground with another lady and she had a very similar experience with the same mediator.x

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  • MrsMathsisfun
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7 years 5 months ago #376937 by MrsMathsisfun
Replied by MrsMathsisfun on topic Re:Bad experience with mediators
My partner wasn''t impressed with mediation either. The mediator just assumed that he was the one with the assets and his ex was a poor victim which was definitely not the case.

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  • rubytuesday
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7 years 5 months ago #376939 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:Bad experience with mediators
As with any service you are paying for, if you are not comfortable, or you are unhappy with your assigned mediator, you can request that you change mediators.

Mediators should be neutral and not favour or promote one party''s interests over the other. They are there to help you reach your own agreements concerning all aspects of your separation or divorce e.g. children, finances, property etc.

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  • dukey
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7 years 5 months ago #376948 by dukey
Replied by dukey on topic Re:Bad experience with mediators
Mediation is a fairly new idea, as with anything in life some are good some not so much.

As with any service your going to pay for check them out first.

How long have they practiced?.

Are they accredited?, if so are they regulated?.

What qualifications do they have?.

Complaints can be made to trading standards, but how far you would get is subjective, if a plumber fits a pipe that leaks its a easy case, mediators talk and listen, you may not like what they have to say but that does not mean they did a bad job.

The standard test for a complaint is to have someone in the same profession test the work done.

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  • mivona
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5 years 11 months ago #439161 by mivona
Replied by mivona on topic Re:Bad experience with mediators
I too want to complain about the mediator we had. We went to the MIAMS meeting, and told her we were in agreement about how to divide assets, and just wanted her to do the Memorandum so we could proceed to divorce.

At no stage did she say she could not do that, or that as we did not have a dispute that mediation was not suitable for us.

She gave us financial disclosure forms to complete, which we did, and exchanged. We attended a meeting which she charged us £300 for, and proceeded to write up on flip charts the information contained in the forms.

She then said we would have to have another meeting (and I am unsure why) before she could then move on to writing up the Memorandum.

So, a total of £1170 to be charged, when we had NO DISPUTE about how to divide assets. After doing her calculations, she basically came up with a nearly identical figure to that which we had said.

As the code of practice says:
2.3 Where a marriage or relationship has irretrievably broken down, mediation has regard to the principles that the marriage or relationship should be brought to an end in a way that
minimises distress to the participants and to any children;
promotes as good a relationship between the participants and any children as is possible;
removes or diminishes any risk of abuse to any of the participants or children from the other participants; and
AVOIDS ANY UNNECESSARY COST TO PARTICIPANTS.

She seems bent on fostering disagreement between us, checking and re-checking if our agreement is really what we want to do. We have no children, we both work, we don''t want each other''s pensions , he doesn''t want a claim on the property I owned before marriage and we simply want to divide our joint property.

Simple, you would think...

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  • julie321
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5 years 11 months ago #439164 by julie321
Replied by julie321 on topic Re:Bad experience with mediators
Yes I had the same thing, bringing us back to go over the same thing time and again and charging us for the privlidge. At the end of it all we have no agreement as ex went back on everything so money down the drain.

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