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He won''t go to mediation.... So whats next??

  • Starlett
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5 years 5 months ago #454658 by Starlett
Hello,

I have been divorced for 4 years and have had a contact order for 5 1/2 years.

While we were in court sorting out the contact order the judge suggested we liase with each other over the booking of annual leave, but this wasn''t included within the contact order and he is denying this was ever discussed in court. However for the last 2 years he has refused to do this, saying that I don''t need to know when he is on leave, yet he expects extra contact while he is on leave.

I have suggested going to mediation to sort this out, but he is point blankly refusing. We now have a situation where we are both on leave at the same time and he just expects me to give up my time with the children.

He also books holidays as and when he wants to (3 last year) without any regard for his contact with the children and just expects me to fit them in around it. He works shifts so no 2 months are ever the same. I receive his rota, along with a list of "can''t do" days, 8 days before the end of the month to organise contact for the following month based around his rota and the childrens availability

I have asked for him to have the children for a long weekend so he can collect them on a friday and return to school on a monday, but without knowing his annual leave in advance I can''t even do this.

He says its too much to ask for a whole week as he lives 15 miles away from the childrens school and he doesn''t want to do the running about.

I have, at the moment, stopped all contact until this is sorted out, but i''m not sure we ever will get this sorted.

What will happen if he refuses mediation but tries to take me back to court for breach of the contact order?

Will the judge insist on mediation?

I''m trying to sort this out without the need of bothering the already busy courts on petty squabbles.

Any advice will be greatly received.

TYIA

Starlett

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  • MrsMathsisfun
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5 years 5 months ago #454663 by MrsMathsisfun
Replied by MrsMathsisfun on topic Re:He won''t go to mediation.... So whats next??
Firstly stopping contact to get this sorted is not the way forward and is putting the children in the centre of the conflict. A judge wont be impressed with you breaching the contact order.

The way forward would be to apply for an variation and request mediation as part of the process.

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  • Fiona
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5 years 5 months ago #454664 by Fiona
Unilaterally stopping contact could leave you on the back foot if your ex does start court proceedings. There isn''t a great deal you can do about regular contact because your ex works shifts and it isn''t unreasonable to work around that.

As far as holidays are concerned I would suggest you write formally with proposed dates for your holiday to check they don''t clash with the dates he wants and say you need to book the holiday by a certain date.

Otherwise if the current order isn''t working the correct thing to do would be to apply to court for a variation and ask the court to attach conditions for the holidays.

IF either you or your ex applies to court the applicant in most cases is required to arrange a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting to find out about mediation and whether it is appropriate.

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  • Starlett
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5 years 5 months ago #454666 by Starlett
I have gone direct to the Family Mediation Centre as I don''t want to wait 6 months to get this sorted out.

I have taken the children out of the conflict by stopping contact otherwise it will escalate into a slanging match in front of the children.

He has in the past come into my work and started an argument there. It''s not something he is bothered about.

He showed my eldest son the messages we had sent over the weekend.

So by stopping contact I am protecting my children.

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  • Starlett
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5 years 5 months ago #454669 by Starlett
Thank you Fiona, but I don''t think you understand, I would like to go away for a long weekend and have asked my ex to supply his annual leave so I can book a long weekend without the children around his leave. I cannot guess when he is off, and 8 days notice isn''t enough for me to book annual leave at work.

Last year he was able to have 3 child free holidays as his wifes ex husband had the children that live with him and I had our children, all I am asking is for the same.

I have not had this since we divorced.

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  • MrsMathsisfun
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5 years 5 months ago #454670 by MrsMathsisfun
Replied by MrsMathsisfun on topic Re:He won''t go to mediation.... So whats next??
Sorry have to completely disagree stopping contact is using the children as weapons and now your in the wrong rather than your ex in the eyes of the court.

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  • Starlett
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5 years 5 months ago #454671 by Starlett
So putting them in the middle of conflict is the right thing to do then?

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