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Accusation in Mediation

  • Kashi
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25 Aug 22 #519867 by Kashi
Topic started by Kashi
Hi,

We went to our first mediation this week. For the last 2 years my wife has been accusing me of 21 years of rape verbally. When I challenged her in the past she said "When I am angry I say things I do not mean".
During the mediation I asked her why she has been accusing me of rape for 21 years. She confirmed to the mediator that this has actually happened and she uphold this allegations of 21 years of rape.
Further to that our 17 years daughter does not want to come and spend time time at home anymore, which is new to me. The reason my wife gave was " Daughter complained to her that sometimes I walked in her room and I just stand and watch her for 10 mins, daughter find s this weird". Wife now has asked for daughter to see a counsellor to which I have agreed.
What can I do to protect myself? My wife knows how good as a father I am and all she's telling is BS.

  • StressedDad
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27 Aug 22 #519886 by StressedDad
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My mediation seems to be heading the same way, not as bad as your accusations but the tone is similar, it's all my fault and that's why I should have nothing and be a slave for the rest of my life.

My only advice would be to be clear about what you are trying to get out of mediation and focus on those things as topics.

If there does need to be name-calling and character assassination, just pull the mediator to a quick private conversation to focus the conversation back on what needs to be agreed upon,not what was in the past. You are where you are and the reason you are in mediation is that everyone has agreed to go their own way. Remember, your other half wants to get her pound's worth.

Your daughter is old enough to make her mind up on whether or not she wants to see you, so I wouldn't worry too much about that, I'd focus on getting mediation to a logical conclusion, the accusations are designed to put your back up and lose focus on what needs to be achieved.

So focus on the mediation, try your best to ignore and stop the accusations with a simple, "that's not true/correct" or "that's not my recollection" and don't play into her hands.

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