What to do?

Hi Group,

What follows might not sound rational, well it doesn’t sound rational to me but then I’ve formed the view that one of us is crazy.

My wife tells me she wants a divorce. The reason I won’t go into as I am not sure myself other than that I am sure there is no third party involved. We are 61 years old, both retired, been married for 40 years and still living (existing) in the same house together. She has contacted a lawyer who charges £200 an hour and wants £2,000 in advance. I have given her details from the net of companies who say they will do the thing for £200 to £500. She won’t use them because she’s got it in her head that if she pays for an expensive lawyer she’ll get more money from me. She will use the cheaper service if I sign over substantial sums of money. We have a couple of hundred thousand on deposit which I have saved over the years for our retirement!! The jointly occupied house is without mortgage. She has a share in a house left to her by her parents and some shares left to her by her parents. Our day to day living comes out of my employment pension which is quite good and she has a small state pension.

I know that in our circumstances it should be a 50/50 split but I am sure that it is a little more complicated than that as a lot of the assets have a value which can be argued about. And, even the exact amount of cash held can be disputed.

I believe the process starts with us both completing some type of declaration of what we have so that it can be quantified and agreed so as to agree what is 50%. I’ve told her she doesn’t need to pay £200 an hour to get that done just serve me with the forms but she won’t have any of it unless I first agree to sign over a large proportion of the savings (I transferred £30,000 before some months for reasons which now seem silly).


My questions are:
1. Am I right in saying that the process starts with us both completing some type of declaration of what we have so that it can be quantified and agreed so as to agree what is 50% ?

2. If she pays for an expensive lawyer would I come out better if I paid for an even more expensive lawyer (it worked for Paul McCartney)?

3. Any other strategic advice – for example what would happen if I gave my savings to the Salvation Army or my mum?

Thanks in advance

Hi confused.

Welcome to Wiki. Sorry you find yourself here.

If a divorce is your only option, then familiarise yourself with the step by step guide under Free Resources. That will give you the stages.

As far as a lawyer goes, expensive does not always (in fact often) = good (or vice versa) as many on here will testify. If you are to have a lawyer then make sure it is someone you trust. Don't use them for emotional support - you can get that here but do use them for legal advice. You can self rep - at least at first and just use a solicitor for ad hoc advice - and ask lots of questions here.

In simple terms, after such a long marriage, you would both be put into the position you would have expected to be in had you not divorced - so equal incomes (but that does not necessarily mean equal shares of the pension)and appropriate housing for each - which could mean a one bed flat if the assets pot is small .. or could mean a 7 bed mansion if you are rolling in it and have to spare.

I am afraid that much as the Sally Army may find a good use for your savings that won't help. You have to declare your assets - it is called full financial disclosure and is usually done on a form E (there's an eg on the site for you to look at). Dispersing assets is very bad behaviour .

If you are SOOOO seriously rich that you can provide her with a decent home and income and have cash to spare (form an orderly queue ladies) then you could end up with more than 50% of the assets -



My ANSWERS are:

1. Am I right in saying that the process starts with us both completing some type of declaration of what we have so that it can be quantified and agreed so as to agree what is 50% ?

If you trust each other to disclose without and agree between you then you do not have to do this. You can just agree, draw up a Consent Order and take it to the court. But this does not sound likely! If you do go to mediation or through the legal process you will be asked to fill in a Form E. If you do not disclose everythig, you can be ordered to do so by the judge.

2. If she pays for an expensive lawyer would I come out better if I paid for an even more expensive lawyer (it worked for Paul McCartney)?

No, pay for a good one. And do not settle for anyone you are less than happy with. Have a free half hour with a wiki lawyer if needs be - then you will know what a good lawyer should be like. Or DIY ... with legal support.


3. Any other strategic advice – for example what would happen if I gave my savings to the Salvation Army or my mum?

Be scrupulously fair and honest in everything and do not allow yourself to get drawn into petty arguments. At the end of the day it could cost you 20k to argue about 2k - so just not worth it. If you want to throw away money I can think of plenty of better ways to do it!!

Oh .. and before you do accept that divorce is inevitable -see if you can get your wife to talk to you .. maybe go to Relate? It could just be that she is bored and in need of some excitement - you could save on the legal fees and instead spend it all on a fantastic fling - is there anything you have always wanted to do together but never had the time or money??

Good Luck

Hadenoughnow

hadenoughnow wrote:

If you trust each other to disclose without and agree between you then you do not have to do this. You can just agree, draw up a consent order and take it to the court. But this does not sound likely! If you do go to mediation or through the legal process you will be asked to fill in a Form E. If you do not disclose everythig, you can be ordered to do so by the judge.

Hadenoughnow, can you please confirm this for me, or anyone ? I did PM Divorce Lawyer about this too, but when I spoke to my Solicitor he said you cant just present a proposal as a Consent Order without all the pension details, or full disclosure from both parties.
If we could remain amicable, I could have the house and he could have his pension. Cant we just do that ??

Hi,

Thanks for the advice.

You say . . . . . .

In simple terms, after such a long marriage, you would both be put into the position you would have expected to be in had you not divorced - so equal incomes (but that does not necessarily mean equal shares of the pension).

I know my wife will not accept a penny less than the law entitles her to. And, I believe she is unlikely to accept that she is entitled to x unless it is told to her by her lawyer or a court. The question is – what is x? I have used the calculator on this site but it looks like a very blunt instrument. In my reading I have formed a view that the 50/50 split thing isn’t quite that simple. And, (correct me if I am wrong) that factors like if one party is in the house and the other has moved out they occupant may get a larger chunk of the pot to cover the larger costs of keeping the larger house. My wife has access to an empty house left to her by her parents, I do not have access to alternative accommodation. She refuses to move out unless I hand over cash. We are living like Michael Douglas and Elizabeth Ashley in the movie War of the Roses.

I could buy my way out but I don’t because I am angry – I am angry that for no good reason other than her spoilt brat behaviour and greed she wants to tear apart my life at a stage in my life when I was hoping for peace. I am angry and she is even angrier and I am not sure why other than I appear to have her in a logical corner having countered all the points of her argument!

Am I right in the belief that if I move out I might end up with less than half?