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Defending divorce

  • Ukellie
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30 Mar 12 #320961 by Ukellie
Topic started by Ukellie
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A little background - husband committed adultery wanted a divorce after 20 years of marriage I was devastated within 5 weeks ( of leaving me)he served papers for my unreasonable behaviour -all lies, I have evidence, he refused to agree to my Petition (adultery) they crossed in the post but his got in first. I have cross petitioned answered his petition and submitted my grounds for unreasonable behaviour mainly based on his lies deceit and adultery
Can anyone advise what will happen if we both won''t agree I am not bothered about getting a divorce but he is desperate to get out of the mortgage hence the quickness I am still coming to terms with it all we are still only 10 weeks from separating. He is not communicating with me so it''s all through solicitors there is no children involved - appreciate any advice

  • mike62
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31 Mar 12 #320966 by mike62
Reply from mike62
Hello Ukellie,
Sorry to hear you are having troubled times. SHort of time, so very quick response. To be blunt, defending a divorce is a very expensive and ultimately fruitless pastime. Taking a step back from the emotions that are doing somersaults at the moment, what is it all about? He wants out of the marriage. He has committed adultery and got his Unreasonable behaviour Petition in first. The outcome? you will divorce. Right now it seems so utterly unfair that he is ''getting away'' with it, but ultimately, what difference does it make to the outcome? The only winners in defended divorces are the solicitors who cash in on the poor unfortunates who are going through this turmoil with exorbitant fees and advice which might prolong proceedings or extend correspondence that is chargeable. At the end of the day, what is in the asset pot right now has got to keep both of you, however it is divided. Without a lot more informtin about what your personal circumstances are (e.g. ages, incomes, assets, pensions etc) it is difficult to give you an idea of what might be ''fair''. But despite his adultery, divorce in the UK is considered ''no fault'' so his behaviour would have no direct impact on the settlement. Unfair? Yes, but that is how it is. Better to save the money currently being lashed on solicitors fees to pay for next quarter''s utility bills. If you can appeal to his common sense, it is much better to try to get to a mediation service where the full financial picture can be looked at in a consensual environment, rather that the more adversarial solicitors route.

I know its not what you wanted to hear, but forewarned is forearmed. A defended divorce can easily cost both parties the thick end of £10,000 each. The sooner that you can sit down and discuss things in a practical manner, the better for both of you. Hard as it is, the emotions just dont give over. It does take time to come to terms with things. Best of luck. Mike

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