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Is it right to make him pay?

  • Mumof2princesses
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04 May 12 #328404 by Mumof2princesses
Topic started by Mumof2princesses
Hello, I am divorcing my husband of 10 years because his behaviour is so bad, I cannot tolerate it anymore. We have 2 small children together. He has been violent to me (even in front of my children), swears and shouts at me, tries to ''break me'' and it drives him mad that I am a strong woman who won''t allow that. He comes home to wash his clothes. He spends hardly any time with his children even though they adore him. When they are crying that he goes out again, he lets them and go. They only see him for a few hours a week. He doesn''t give me any money for them so for the past 4 years, I have been buying everything myself. He has enough money and spends all of it on himself (taking his girlfriends out, designer clothes, latest gadgets) whereas I have to buy some of the things second-hand to make sure when I leave him, I will have at least some money left to look after my children. I am now very tempted to eat my pride and take him for every penny that he has - because why should I be feeling depressed and worried about how I am going to financially support my children when I haven''t done anything to him? Why should we pay for his nastiness? He has a flat in his name, which he bought before we married. I believe I am entitled to at least some of the money from that flat...Shall I get everything I can because of my children even though it may ''break'' him because I know the flat is the only thing he feels he has achieved? Has anybody been in the same situation? I wouldn''t want anything if we didn''t have children together but I am past caring now as when I was on unpaid leave for almost a year, he still didn''t contribute anything for the kids, not even a pack of nappies.:(

  • Lostboy67
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04 May 12 #328417 by Lostboy67
Reply from Lostboy67
I can feel your bitterness and understand it completly but it could be pushing you down the path of a long and bitter legal battle over finances. You could try and ''take him for everything'' but there''s no garantee that you would get it, and you could run up big legal fees trying to do so.
Having said that its not acceptable that he doesn''t contribute to the children, he should be giving you 20% of his net pay (less some for the time he has them).

Its impossible to say what a reasonable settlement would be without knowing all the facts, but using the financial settlement as a form of punishment isn''t the way forward.

Take care

  • somuch2know2
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04 May 12 #328437 by somuch2know2
Reply from somuch2know2
Lostboy is right... will ''making him pay'' make you feel better? Probably not.

It can potentially drag out your pain for over a year and the end result may very well not be what you had hoped.

Yes- having kids means you do get a large percentageof the assets ''for the kids''

Like a bandaid- rip it off quick and neat and let things heal

  • Marshy_
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04 May 12 #328439 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
I agree with LB. Making him pay for what he has done is not the best way of getting back at him. And it may cost you more than you will get. If you want revenge, try this for size: Get on with yr life as you have been doing but... Make him pay for his kids. He should be giving you 20% of his income. I would goto the CSA and get what your owing. Thats not revenge or taking him for every penny, thats what you are owed. Why should you have to pay for everything? He planted the seed for those kids and lives the life of Riley. U are owed. Pure and simple. C.

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