Leaving the MH for two month trial seperation

Hi,
V brief background. Married for 6 years with a 2 year old boy. Wife has told me she loves me but isn''t in love. We''re working through that, or sometimes not (I''m keen to try to make things work).

We have both decided that we do need some space as things are uncomfortable at home.
Wife was going to rent somewhere for 6 months, but we can''t afford it. So I''ve offered to move out to a friends for 2 months, and see where we get to.

Aside from the obvious downside of not being able to see my son properly for two months are there any legal implications (e.g. can she claim I abandoned the house, her son. Could it impact on divorce/custody outcomes.)

Friend said we should write a letter both signing it, stating it was mutual consent, for 2 months, etc, so that I have some evidence that I hadn''t run off, if things went sour. Is that prudent? Or even worth the paper it''s written on?

Thanks all.

I am sure someone with more knowledge than I will set you right.

However, I was advised by a newly divorced friend not to leave the marital home.

She left (stayed with parents a while), then ended up having to eventually rent somewhere but was still liable for the mortgage on the MH.

Hopefully someone will know and put us both right.

BobChock wrote:

Wife has told me she loves me but isn''t in love.

Oh red flag red flag. That old "ILYBNILWY" chestnut. I would bet you a million dollars my friend, that she is having an affair. Seriously, this phrase is on page 1 of the cheaters handbook. They virtually ALL use it, and virtually everyone who uses it is having or has had an affair.

Along with this "trial separation" thing. Yeah that is a phrase which I have some serious issues with. What is it a trial of exactly? Normally a trial will have pass/fail criteria? What are the pass/fail criteria of this trial? It is a test to see if you can both manage on your own? Or to see if you are co-dependent on each other?? Really?

If you both want to fix the marriage, you don''t need time apart, you need time TOGETHER working on the marriage. And if only one of you wants to fix it, well, it''s doomed to failure whatever you do.

Let me tell you what a "trial separation" means. It means she wants to see how things go with the other guy, and wants space and freedom without you sniffing around. It means that she wants to see if the grass really is greener, she wants to have her cake and eat it. It means that once you leave, you will never be able to get back in. I guarantee you dude, if you move out for this 2 month period, the locks will be changed before you''re even at the end of the garden path, and you will be out for good. This could be a serious disadvantage when the inevitable divorce petition comes. By moving out you are prejudicing your financial position. Do NOT move out.

Friend said we should write a letter both signing it, stating it was mutual consent, for 2 months, etc, so that I have some evidence that I hadn''t run off, if things went sour. Is that prudent? Or even worth the paper it''s written on?

No, it is not prudent, and no it is not worth the paper it''s written on.

Hi

No such thing as a trial seperation in my opinion.

Very negative approach to making your marriage work mate.

Tell her you want to stay in the MH, and go shit or bust at making things work, then look at her actions - all will be revealed, if she wants it she will move heaven and earth.

Cookie is bang on the money, its very likely there is a third party lingering.

Good luck

I am not sure that the comments above are entirely helpful. To me, they appear cynical and bitter - but Cookie may be right. There may be someone else, and perhaps she is trying to let you down gently. In my small experience, it is not often that a trial separation restores the relationship, but it can happen and you may be one of the luckier ones.

If you marriage is in difficulties, have you tried to worked out why it might be? Is she working too hard and long, is she permanently tired, is she not having enough time for herself, is she not having enough fun, do you take time to do things with just the two of you? And so on. These are things you might be able to put right, if it is not too late. It may be that she feels that looking after your 2 year old has taken over her life and she doesn''t have a ''life'' at all.

I am sure you both need help so, if you haven''t done so already, do try marriage counselling. It might help both of you to find a way through this.

As far as the legal risks of moving out are concerned, there are a lot of misconceptions about this. I am not a lawyer so do not take this as formal legal advice but, if your name is on the deeds and/or you contribute to the mortgage and/or the running expenses of the property, you have legal rights and interests that are not invalidated by moving out, especially when there is the expectation that you will return, unless there is an agreement in place under which you forego those rights and interests.

An agreement written and signed by a husband and wife is pretty much worthless.

A Separation Agreement drafted by a mediator and correctly implemented is another matter, its certainly better than nothing, if it does go pear shaped you have something to show a judge, the judge can then test the agreement to see if it should stand.

Mediators are the best last chance of avoiding court and lawyers and all the time and cost they bring.

Imediate wrote:

As far as the legal risks of moving out are concerned, there are a lot of misconceptions about this. I am not a lawyer so do not take this as formal legal advice but, if your name is on the deeds and/or you contribute to the mortgage and/or the running expenses of the property, you have legal rights and interests that are not invalidated by moving out, especially when there is the expectation that you will return, unless there is an agreement in place under which you forego those rights and interests.

Ummm... sorry but I think you are spreading misconception here rather than reducing it! This is extremely bad advice you have given the OP here.

The fact is that the financial split in most divorces is based on needs. Very few divorcing couples have enough assets and income for both parties to get what they want. Unless there are 2 properties and each has enough income to pay the mortgage and bills on one, or there is enough savings to buy a house each. If one party moves out they are proving to any observer that they do not "need" the FMH to live. If the husband moves into rented accommodation then he is showing beyond all doubt that he can afford to do that, and therefore any future claim that he "needs" equity from the FMH to re-house will be reduced. That''s not to say he will get nothing, but his claim will be reduced. Conversely the wife who stays in the house, will be able to say "I need 100% of the FMH to house the children". Again she may not get 100%, but her claim will be greater.

When the man moves out, he is disadvantaging himself in a huge way. That is indisputable FACT. Yes maybe he will beat all the odds and this "trial separation" will miraculously fix the marriage. But really that is a very small chance. Much more likely is that once he moves out, he has basically shot himself in the foot. There''s really nothing to gain by moving out, and everything to lose.