Can I say no? Access to house....

H left family home at end of Jan. He lost his keys and I gave him a replacement set which he has also lost. H has a flat that is unsuitable for children so takes (or is taken as he cannot drive) to his parents'' house to have the children for intermittent overnight stays -the last of which he took his "fling" with him.

As a result of this (and I appreciate that legally I do not have a leg to stand on) I have supported and facilitated day visits for the kids but (and actually he has not asked for...) have not proposed overnight contact since.

My cuurent question is that H or STBX as I should call him has requested that he has the children overnight at FMH when I am away this weekend. I have booked train tickets that facilitate me dropping him at his parents'' house (they arrive home from holiday mid visit and have been supportive to us all but they do not know about H taking his fling to their home during the last stay). He states they don''t want them there when they return because they will be tired.

I am reluctant to say yes to having the kids here because:
1. I think it''s confusing for the kids to have Daddy dipping in and out of family life;
2. What''s to stop him bringing fling girl here?
3. I''ve worked hard to keep the home as a safe private place for the kids and I (he has his privacy -I want mine).

Can I say no to his request based on the above reasons?

Thx, F

You absolutely can, and should, say "no". It is your home. You have a right to your privacy. And do you believe this "lost the keys" thing? It might be worth changing the locks just in case he is lying.

He has lost his keys for sure.

I''m going to have a talk with him tonight about it. I feel bad because he''s giving me some proceeds from a business sale to pay for some pretty expensive maintenance that the house needs. I just don''t trust him to respect my privacy.

I know deep down he understands my view and will most likely accept it but I don''t want to damage my position.

Thank you for the reply!

I called him. He thinks I''m being unreasonable.

Your not being unreasonable at all. I allowed my ex to have contact in my home for a couple of weeks after we separated. It didnt work. Ex took things that didnt belong to him, it confused my child and i didnt like the idea of him being there. Fast forward a year or so, what happens if you meet someone? Would they be happy with him in your house? Why is your stbxh''s new girlfriend happy with the situation?

Its better to put in place contact that has long term prospects and clearly divides your time with you children and his so your children will adjust.

Absolutely no way. Tell him to sort himself out and stop relying on you and your better nature

Fifi100 wrote:

I called him. He thinks I''m being unreasonable.

No, he is the one making unreasonable demands on you. It is your private home. Would he allow you to stay in his home when he goes away for a weekend? I very much doubt it.

You really need to sort out the finances of your marriage once and for all, then this situation will not exist any more.