To leave or not to leave, that is the question

Absolutely do not move out. Here are 2 practical reasons:
1 Your ex will be sitting pretty in the FMH and there may be little incentive to conclude proceedings.
2 While everything is being sorted out you may spend thousands unnecessarily on your own housing costs - it could take years.

I write from experience.

Thanks all! Fiona, excuse me for being a bit thick sometimes, but I didnt quite follow the second paragraph. Perhaps you could elaborate?

Thanks again!

What I meant was if emotions are running very high moving out may be the lesser of the evils. Naturally separated couples living together causes a lot of stress and pressure and that can lead to difficulties separating the emotions from the practicalities which makes negotiation difficult, if not impossible.

Apart from it not being good for children witnessing separating parents arguing when the stress and pressure leads to intolerable distress or aggressive behaviour the couple may "need" to separate to defuse the situation. Otherwise there is a risk that the courts will impose an occupation order excluding one party from living in the former matrimonial home or a parent moves out with the children possibly to another part of the country.

Hi grassisgreener,

I was in a similar position to yourself and the legal advice I received was to remain in the matrimonial home until the house was sold. Leaving the home, even if you are living with relatives, can give the impression that your housing needs have been met.

I noticed that you refer to your *presence* in the home bringing out the worst in your stbxw. My ex tried the same tactics on me and to be honest her behaviour was disgraceful. Then I came to realise that I was not responsible for her bad behaviour just as you are not responsible for bringing out the worst in your stbxw - she acts like that because she chooses to act in that manner.

Stay put until your solicitors advises. Your kids are still young the don''t lie to them, it may damage trust between yourself and them.

You know Mick, the more I open up, the more I realise that my situation is not so unique, and I thank you kindly for sharing your thoughts. I''ve told stbx I''m not moving until Consent Order is signed at very least. I may spend the occasional few days away if she wants some space but that''s it. I''m risking nothing. We plan to tell kids in few weeks time. I will be there then and won''t be moving out. I will let the shock try and be absorbed whilst I provide as much reassurance as possible that I am a father for life and will always love them and never desert them. I may even involve them in choosing THEIR other home in time

Years of counselling prior to the decision has always taught us to take responsibility for our actions, yet I am being blamed big time by my stbx''s for her actions. She will need to manage and cope a little longer.

Thanks all! Wish me luck!

My solictitor advised me yesterday that I am ok to move out of the FMH as it wont impact on my case.

However, my situation is slightly different. I am the sole name on the FMH mortgage and title, and I have 3 other properties in my name.

I have already arrived at the decision to sign the FMH over to my wife, so that I can keep either 2 or 3 of the rentals. So whether I stay or not seems to be arbitrary.

The one thing that I am dreading is telling the children. My plan is to tell them and then slowly start to take days out of the home and have them over more frequently to begin with so they get accustomed to the new 2 house arrangements.

Not looking forward to that bit!!

Bob

Thanks Bob - your situation is quite different with multiple properties. When your only large asset is the MH in joint ownership, that''s where the crux lies it seems.

We are both facing the telling the kids issue and will be biting the bullet on that very soon. Got to be done and needs to be consistent, loving, caring, understanding and tolerant of the different ways that kids can react.

Really appreciate everyone''s comments!