Halting divorce proceedings

csh wrote:

Via her solicitor she keeps coming back with new questions and new allegations, only to have them knocked down each time by straight facts.

That is exactly what I mean by "don''t play this game". Why do you keep biting? Who cares what kind of questions or allegations she throws at you? If she is not prepared to negotiate amicably then what good is it doing you to respond to all these letters? Simply let a judge sort it out.

I''ve by default felt obliged to answer.

Well, you''d better change that feeling pretty soon if you want to bring this to an end. Answering these stupid questions and allegations is costing you money and causing you misery. So why do you keep doing it? A definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...

Thanks for the advice, Hadenoughnow.

My concern had been that she would endlessly prevaricate in court in the way she has done over the past couple of years, thereby racking up court costs that I could never afford.

When we first met she claimed to have no assets at all; with the mediation service in early 2010 she claimed to have brought £7,500 to the marriage; inflation being what it is, she now claims that the sum she brought to the marriage was £55,000 of which she is now claiming £50,000 back. She has never produced a shred of evidence for any one of her claims, such that I marvel at the gullibility of her own solicitor. She claims a mysterious illness that prevents her from working; and yet has never produced any evidence to support this, her GP''s letter simply stating that she suffers from high blood pressure.

She had confessed to me that she''d first been attracted to me because a clairvoyant had told her that I was ''rich''. She seems to persist in this belief, convinced that I have some secret fortune stashed away somewhere. I really am at the end of my tether.

Cookie2, since my solicitor forwards to me the letters from her solicitor and asks how I''d wish him to respond, I''ve consequently responded to her repeated questions only because I''d assumed that this had been the expectation.

I recently wrote to my solicitor:

"Since she has, from the moment we first met, consistently lied to me, to my family, to my friends, to her employers, to the Family Partnership in Law mediator, and to her own solicitor, inter alia, we have no reason to believe that she will not also lie before the Court and Judge. In consequence we might in the worse case scenario anticipate yet more very costly months of diversionary tactics on her part for so long as she is still permitted to continue to make claims with no concomitant stipulation that she provide incontrovertible evidence to support such claims."

And this had been precisely my fear in going to court.

The court will not allow endless prevarication. Once the application has been made you will be in the court timetable. If she tries to prevaricate, she can end up paying your costs.

Her argument re inflation of the sum she brought to the marriage is irrelevant.She would have to produce medical evidence if she says she is unable to work.

If you are indeed wealthy then you may have to pay some money to maintain her - after all you brought her to this country - but only while she gets on her feet and sort out work (unless you are stratospherically rich).Her needs will be key - is she currently housed? Does she have an income? Is she getting legal aid? If she is getting LA, does she realise she will have to pay it back from any settlement?

You can keep costs down by responding only to questions that have been allowed by the court and not getting drawn into arguments that are not strictly financial.

It is time to get tough. You have indulged her for too long.

Hadenoughnow

csh wrote:

"Since she has, from the moment we first met, consistently lied to me, to my family, to my friends, to her employers, to the Family Partnership in Law mediator, and to her own solicitor, inter alia, we have no reason to believe that she will not also lie before the Court and Judge. In consequence we might in the worse case scenario anticipate yet more very costly months of diversionary tactics on her part for so long as she is still permitted to continue to make claims with no concomitant stipulation that she provide incontrovertible evidence to support such claims."

I can see why you have so much costs if you write this kind of thing to your solicitor!

* What does that tell a solicitor that he does not already know? Nothing.
* What instructions have you given your solicitor? None.
* What will your solicitor do? Probably write back to you asking for instructions.

Your solicitor works for you. He does what you tell him. If you ask him to reply to her allegations with a certain response, then he will do that. If you tell him not to respond, then he won''t respond. If you tell him to apply to court, then he will apply to court.

Yes I agree time to get tough - apply to court dude. If you''d done that a year ago it would be over by now. If you don''t do it now, you''ll still be no further along in another year''s time.

Thanks for the wise response, hadenoughnow.

I''m not at all wealthy. I''ve lived on a shoestrong these past few years (I largely supported both her and her two children throughout our marriage, and her demands were significant); and this summer I retire and live on a modest teacher''s pension.

As regards your other questions:

[1] Yes, she is currently housed, renting a 2 bedroom flat in the most expensive of the London boroughs and driving a luxury car (she''s a status snob).

[2] She would seem to have an income, though the exact nature of her 2-day-per-week employment is unclear.

[3] My solicitor has twice asked whether she is still on legal aid. We''ve thus far not received a reply to that question.

I agree it''s time I get tough; hence my urging my solicitor to do whatever he can to move the procedure to the next stage.

Many thanks again for the advice, cookie2--you are of course right.

In naivety, when asked by my solicitor how we should respond to a letter, it has been my presumption that I rebut allegations as they are made. Hence the infernal and interminable to-ing and fro-ing with no end in sight.

I''ve now actioned my solicitor to engage a barrister and proceed to court.