The waiting game....

Haven''t been on here for a while but guess I needed to tell my story again.

Briefly, husband left me & our son 3.5 yrs ago after I found out about his affair with a widowed work colleague. He moved out, got a flat, I started divorce proceedings with solicitor he self-repped. We had agreed on everything, house, assets, child care, absolutely everything ..... then he got cold feet and refused to sign any documents. I paid my solicitor and asked her to stop proceedings, because he would not respond to anything and her letters at £100 a time were just binned. We got to Nisi stage only.

As time passed, we were still amicable, we went on holidays as a family, spent Christmases together, birthdays etc. but all the time living separately. He kept telling it was over with OW but something within me just couldn''t allow him back. Even now there isn''t a week that has passed when he hasn''t told me that he loves me. He sends romantic cards on Valentines, wedding anniversaries etc. all worded Wife. I still get silly presents left under my pillow.

In case you are wondering, the relationship is platonic and non-sexual. Too much hurt and mis-trust to allow him back in my bed. I haven''t met anyone else and feel I am still not ready to share my life with anyone either. My husband took that ability from me, so I look after me and my son and this suits us fine.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago, I found out by sheer fluke - and I''m 99% certain though he denies it - he''s moved in with her.

We argued a little and he still denies everything, tells me he should have signed paperwork 3 years ago and demands what he wants from house. I told him to instigate legal proceedings and I would comply. Then in the next breath he tells me he doesn''t want a divorce or to change anything with the mortgage and wished we were still together.

And now yet again I play the waiting game. He won''t divorce me and continues to lie through his teeth to me and OW (where does she think he is every weekend when he is with me and the holidays??).

Previously I spent nearly £5k on solicitors that got me nowhere and this will happen again. I want the money for me and my son to enjoy.

I was happy with my life with my son, my friends and family - all this has thrown me back to that sad time years ago.

I have told him politely to leave me alone, yet I still get constant texts, as if I was still his. I don''t reply.

I''m sorry to all for having to read this, but I feel better to writing it down.

Back to happy face xxx

Sadrhino wrote:

Previously I spent nearly £5k on solicitors that got me nowhere and this will happen again.

There is absolutely no reason why it should cost anywhere near that much. It''s just a matter of taking action rather than being passive and sending letter after letter after letter. If he does not respond to letters then it is pointless to send more. When you write to him you should say that unless you receive a response within X days you will do Y.

Hi Cookie

My solicitor had the settlement drawn up, my mortgage application was in place and agreed with mesher order. All he had to do was confirm his agreement and sign on the dotted line, they even sent a pre-paid envelope. Then nothing apart from he didn''t want to continue with any of it.

It would have cost me more and more to push it. My savings had gone.

I''m left in limbo, but in my own mind a stronger position, because when he wants out, what I want will be far greater than what I was prepared to settle on previously.

But what I really don''t get, he has his freedom, with my blessing, so why can''t I have mine.

xx

Well, if you don''t take the necessary action then things do not get resolved. As you have found out.