i need advice from you wise wikis

Hi so this is where we are..
husband has had several affairs now living in a rented flat i am in FH with our children.
He comes back and stays saturdays allegedly to spend time with children 19.18 14 but really to go to gym and pub as spends little quality time with them which actually makes them resent him more,
My solicitor sent him confession statement to kick off proceedings re adultery which he ignored......
in the meantime i have had the tragic death of my nephew which took the momentum away from the potential divorce proceedings...
my stbx has now said he doesnt want a divorce but if we do he wants us to do it together without solicitors..
my solicitor is champing at the bit to get things going again on unreasonable behaviour (as i have a list as long as my arm)
i am torn my Oh is a very high earner and is self employed i dont know how much we have in savings anymore apart from the bit i have as he now does everything online but i am confident he has been taking money out..........(as my daughter found 1000 pounds in a bank tape when it fell out of his pocket)
i dont trust him as i dont recognise him anymore if that makes sense....and he is very motivated by money
but solicitors are so expensive and also i think can make a bad situation worse........
should i go along with my stbx or my solicitor.........i am pretty confident that i want a divorce as i am sick to death of the mind gamnes etc and just want some peace to be on my own with the children but if we can do this without any acrimony that would be good......he is very controlling and i do fear if we do it ourselves one of his motivators is that he will give me what he thinks i should have in a settlement.........the wiki calculator says i should get 80% of our assets but i am not sure how reliable that is but i am pretty sure my OH would agree to that much when hell freezes over etc
sorry about the long post but i am at a crossroads,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and idont have anyone to ask as i have no adult relatives surviving
thankyou

Have you thought about mediation so that he voluntarily discloses his financial situation? If you think that he really is hiding stuff then you may need to go to court. Have you had any conversations about how things might be split? My recommendation would be to start the ball rolling as the longer you leave it the more money will disappear and if it''s no longer there then you''ll not get what you need.

hi action i thought you had to have started the divorce ball rolling before mediation but can you go to mediation before you kick anything off as that could be the answer i wanted to do a collaborative divorce but my solicitor doesnt think he would be a suitable candidate for it............
one of my biggest worries is he just wont talk about the money side of things ............and i certainly think he would screw me over financially as he loves money too much not to

I''m not absolutely sure but I think it''s just Ancillary Relief Applications that can''t be put in until the divorce has started. A friend of mine has recently been to two mediation sessions and I''m pretty sure that a divorce petition hasn''t even been put in yet as they''re now looking at a possible reconciliation. Can''t help but think that it''s as a result of her husband being told how much he''d have to pay in Spousal Maintenance and pension sharing, but divorce has made me sceptical!

Hi

I have been to a mediation session and dont yet have my Nisi (although have petitioned). There was no mention of this when we went, they will help you through what ever it is you need mediation on whether divorce finances or any other dispute (mine was over schooling for son).

They will guide you to a degree, but if he has a lot to lose then i would not suggest you do finances without a solicitor. I am in the same position.

I paid for the wikivorce divorce package just to get all paper work done, and when my nisi has been obtained i plan to stop with them and then transfer the case to a local solicitor to do the finances.
My plan is to swap form E informally and then take this to solicitor (once happy with all information) you can do this yourself so keeps costs down.
Then you can get their advice on how they think it would go if went to court, you could then take that to mediation and have that in the back of your mind.

Im not sure, but i think there is something you can do to ensure he doesnt just empty all your accounts without you knowing, but i dont know what sorry, maybe another wiki can help with that bit!
Good luck

Hi

I have been to a mediation session and dont yet have my Nisi (although have petitioned). There was no mention of this when we went, they will help you through what ever it is you need mediation on whether divorce finances or any other dispute (mine was over schooling for son).

They will guide you to a degree, but if he has a lot to lose then i would not suggest you do finances without a solicitor. I am in the same position.

I paid for the wikivorce divorce package just to get all paper work done, and when my nisi has been obtained i plan to stop with them and then transfer the case to a local solicitor to do the finances.
My plan is to swap form e informally and then take this to solicitor (once happy with all information) you can do this yourself so keeps costs down.
Then you can get their advice on how they think it would go if went to court, you could then take that to mediation and have that in the back of your mind.

Im not sure, but i think there is something you can do to ensure he doesnt just empty all your accounts without you knowing, but i dont know what sorry, maybe another wiki can help with that bit!
Good luck

Hi

I and my ex divorced amicably by agreeing how we would deal with the money and kids -- we went to one solicitor and had everything drawn up etc - cost very little and we are on excellent terms with regards to children (she moved to Capetown with my kids 10 &7) - though you have to be very careful as to what you want the end result to be - cordial with respect to the kids?

Obviously my experience has been different in that my ex and I agreed things like adults (though I still feel I was fleeced) - could be a bit different in your case.

If he doesn''t want to discuss/play ball , which I fear may be the case, then unfortunately it means confrontation - maybe an angle in talking with him is to let him know how much money he is going to waste on legal issues for a fait accompli - you will still get the majority of the assets

hope this helps - chin up

dd