dividing assets and also i have a mental illness

I did not realise that the original poster had made three threads but do not think that a bad reflection on either him or me.

I stand by what I have said regarding mental health having undergone three mental health county team evaluations as well as many from my GP.

I also now understand the reality of serious physical and emotional violence during divorce (not that this is what the original poster is talking about) but does relate to my need to go to have my mental state evaluated many times (not funny especially when you find it a problem yourself and in my case when you aer worried that you are going to be committed without evidence).

Mental health and mental wealth (more importantly) is a VERY misundertstood subject.

There are two issues here, the financial aspects of the original posters divorce and the other subjects (emotional and medical) which get inbtween.

From what the original poster says I believe there are considerable issues to debate with both. I personally have empathy for the situation of cramming knowledge which resulted in him hearing voices and basically having a nervous breakdown.

Others may take a different view but I can only speak from what I have read and also from what I have experienced.

Anyone on this forum who has been through 32 appearences in court for ONE issue which is simply a small money divorce where I am trustee for my 84 year old mother and guardian of my 20 disabled (downs Syndrome) sone and 17 year old daugher (waiting to see my 15 year old son) may take a different view.

However, I know that mine is a small money case, that I am totally honest, that I may have ADD but am diagnosed by experts i.e medical county team as having acute anxiety (not a violent or pscytophrneic) person.

I don'' t know except to say no one should be prejudiced, not the disabled, not the blond and tall (that is me) not the elderly (that is my mum) and not the physially (or mentally disabled - that is the OP).

I don''t actually believe in the end that I willl be prejudiced, i believe that my small money case where there is expert evidence of extreme domestic violence, evidence of finance, exidence of diabiltity - well you know - I believe in the end my case will turn out right and on that point I want to help the original poster to get a resolution that is right for him and right for his children and right for his departing spouse.

thank you for the advise,fiona,soulruler,sexysadie still waiting to hear from Lmm but all in all the advise has been brilliant it has given me a good insight of what i need to do...i have written a detailed email to my solicitor explaining my situation in detail,will hear from her tomorrow.i will be contacting my stbx if shes interested in mediation.

I''m glad you have written to your solicitor. Good luck with it, and please let us know how you get on.

personaly I am extremely concerned as to whether a solicitor is the right person to help you here (based on my experience in a very small money divorce where I was the victim and also a parent of a child with a mental and physical diability and a trustee of small other assets - rather than in your case your wifes family being in possession of 24 properties - properties of which I was trustee NOT beneficiary in my divorce were THREE).

I know that Fiona has a positive experience of the law but that mainly is I believe that the law in scotland is much more sensible than that in England - i.e it reads as it writes which is not currently necessarily the case in the mainland - times are changing - my 32 appearences in court are testiment to that.

I went into divorce without a serious medical mental disability I come out with a profound but also acute mental disability.

My sons disablity (downs syndrome) will never be in dispute.

Although I don''t post as an expert as Sadie said I have had previous professional experience of mental health and part of that was advocacy work which entailed helping people with mental health problems accessing solicitors. My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic so I have a pretty good insight into the problems. Some solicitors on both sides of the border are particularly good at working with people with mental health problems and a mental health advocacy worker should be able to point someone in the right direction if they need one.

Of course someone with knowledge and experience of the law is in the best position to advise. Most lay people here (apart from LMM) missed the significance of the effect capital may have on benefits. It may be the wife has offered £40k or £50k because any more than that would mean you loosing housing benefit and JSA so you are no better off. There is no point in someone not knowing where they stand and being confrontational particularly if they want to foster civil long term family relationships.

I have yet to find a solicitor who has any real idea of mental health problems.

I have extensive experience of attempting to get representation by solicitors including getting a referal to the top UK Solicitors practice who works out of London.

In my experience they made my mental condition worse rather than better. I appreciate that you were a child of a parent with a mental disorder but I am a parent of a child with a mental disorder and an adult who is now landed with a mental condition directly as a result of attempting negotiatoins with family lawyers - who amongst other things are supposed to be experts in family finance, diability, family law and trust issues and child issues.

It seems to me that we are getting sort of caught up in back issues and personal issues which keep us all on this site, respect to LLM and you and I hope you also realise a bit of respect to me.

I am concerned by the original poster as it would appear that as a result of his three children and his wifes personal backing he is in a situation where he may well find himself out of a house, out of friendship and totally homeless with a very recognised and serious mental condition.

I would not like to think that as a result of a side track that the OP finds himself out on the street.

In the light of the information that his wife has been gifted a house and is offering a certain amount of cash I am not sure bearing in mind the length of marriage that what is proposed is either equitable and fair especially as at the moment he is in the care of the mental health team and unlikely to return to work in the foreseeable future.

HI

To the original poster, what is worrying me here is your mental health and the mental health of your wife and child and that you all are protected in this.

I do know that LittleMrMike has experience of mental health and fiona has explained hers.

What concerns me is you going to a solicitor and them knowing that an offer for a lump sum is available and then the possibility of them taking advantage of your situation and trying to pursuade you to try to get some of your wifes parents wealth or representing you until your offer of cash runs out.

No one is born hoping that they will suffer from a mental illness and I do not expect it a plesent experience for you or your family.

My departed husband does not suffer any mental illness he is just very greedy and mean and solicitors have taken advantage of that fact and kept us arguing in and out of court for many years.

As you are coming out of hospital soon your priority is now to find accommodation.

From what you have posted I would concentrate on getting a good lump sum out of the £190,000 (assuming that is nothing to do with the gifted house from her parents) as with that you can be independent and I assume you will get benefits because of your disability.

Really think very hard and consider your health and that of your family before investing too much time in paying for solicitors.