Feeling unsure re moving out or staying in home

I know the advice is to stay put in the marital home unless there is domestic violence.

In my case my husband is verbally abusive and emotionally abusive to me and the children but not physically abusive.

It makes for a horrible atmosphere and the children are suffering - they are anxious, clingy and regressing behaviour-wise and so far neither my husband nor kids know I plan to Petition for divorceso it can only get worse. School have also raised concerns that children are anxious in school.

My solicitor''s advice is stay put and apply for an occupation order.

I don''t feel right doing this because I feel they should be for severe physical violence.

But I also dread the thought of spending the next 6-12 months or longer living like this.

I''ve not got the funds to rent privately, could only stay with family or ask for a council place.

I just don''t know what to do.

It is a horrible situation to be in and unfortunately only you can make the decision as to what you should do.

You do need to sit down if possible and speak to your husband about wanting a divorce. He does have to know and it is best telling him before he receives the Petition.

As for the occupation order. It is something you could consider, however it would have to go through court and your husband would have the right to reply. As you have been advised by your solicitor in your situation the result would be down to the judge on the day. Also be prepared that the atmosphere and animosity will increase considerably if you do ho down this route.

If I''m remembering right, your children are quite young? They could be picking up on the tension, which is natural. I''m sure that you are already, but just keep reassuring your children that both of you love them and that will not change.

Take care x

I am going through a similar thing with my verbally abusive husband. I have to say I did stay in the family home the first time we separated but it was a nightmare. Although he agreed to move out he constantly returned to the home stating (um screaming his head off actually) it was his home and he could do as he pleased. My children and I were left in a constant state of fight or flight. His moods were extremely unpredictable and at no point did any of us feel safe. Can''t believe I actually took him back after months of visits to Relate and counselling etc but that''s a different story. Not surprisingly he soon resorted to his old self and I decided to make my escape. I have to say I got everything in place before hand. Had all correspondence (housing, citizens advice, etc) sent to a friends house. I went into private rental but it was all set up before I told him. I only told him that we were leaving when I had everything in place.

The biggest benefit about having my own place is we are safe. He can''t come in and our children don''t have to deal with him any more. The biggest disadvantage is trying to get him out of the family home. We left him two and a half years ago and he has dragged his feet and used the house as a weapon. We are now finally in the process of selling but he is demanding more of the share and again threatening to pull out of the sale unless he gets what he wants.

My children are older and have cut all ties with him so there''s nothing he can do about that but I can at least shield them from his constant threats, aggression or angry outbursts which still come to me via texts or email.

I understand that you''ve been advised to stay put but having lived with someone who is abusive that''s easier said than done. For the emotional and mental state of my children I had to leave, there really was no option.

Whatever you do, just get yourself prepared in advance, know all your options. Unfortunately, whatever way you go you know he''s not going to go quietly, so I guess it just depends how much you can deal with.

Hope this has been of some help and good luck. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and this is the first step towards it.

Take care