Christmas is a particularly difficult time of year for those going through divorce and
Wikivorce has always offered additional support for its members at this time of year, our chat-rooms remain open 24 hours each day, and our forums and blogging area are accessible to registered members at all times. It is free to join Wikivorce, and free to use our resources and post on our forum and use our chat-room.
If you will be alone this year just pop in to the chat-room, you don`t need to talk if you don`t want too just listen to the others, you will be made very welcome. It is important to know that you are not alone, and there is no need to suffer in silence. While our members here are very supportive and offer and provide much-needed empathy and shoulders to lean on, we can''t provide the same level of support that professional organisations who have properly trained staff that deal with people suffering from depression, emotional stress, etc.
Wikivorce is a caring community, and we all do our best to support others during difficult times. If you are able to offer a little extra support during this time to those who most need it, your contribution is very welcome. If you require support, then you are in the right place. I will make sure I am on site throughout the festive period, so feel free to drop me a private message if I can help at all.
If you do find yourself alone this Christmas, be kind to yourself;
You don’t need to have the same traditions you had when you were married. If you are alone it is an opportunity to start over and do what really matters to you.
Volunteer your time over the festive season:
Soup Kitchens – Providing a Christmas dinner for people who won’t have one is the job of many soup kitchens around the country. Some kitchens can use volunteers to help out – consider offering your hands to dish out food and your smiles to convey warmth for a few hours on Christmas Day. You’ll get a chance to mingle with other food servers and sit down and enjoy a hot meal yourself.
Nursing Homes – Many elderly people will be spending their holiday alone or in the company of other people who are aged, infirm or both. Your local nursing home may welcome your visit even if you’re not related to anyone living there. Stop by, bring some smiles and shake hands and offer hugs to patients and staff alike – you’ll bring some Christmas joy to people needing to know that others truly do care for them.
There will also be lots of local opportunities, so have a search online, or contact
local charities/places of worship for more information.
It really is easy to start spinning in your mind that you are alone when not in the usual company of family and friends at home for the holidays. It's important to remember that while you may not physically be there, you are far from being alone. Call your family and friends, or arrange video calls.
The chances that you know other people who will be alone for Christmas are perhaps greater than you think. Lots of people have family stretched across the country and simply cannot visit for the holidays. Why not host a dinner party for these people? Consider potluck or prepare the main dishes yourself, leaving breads, desserts, wine and drinks to your guests. Ask everyone to bring one small gift for a gift exchange, deck your place in Christmas decorations and turn on some merry music to make this holiday a special one.
Be kind to yourself – set some time aside to read a book, or go for a long walk, start a new project, write a blog, binge-watch that series you’ve been meaning to catch up on
Children quickly get used to the idea of two birthdays, two Christmases, etc – and often enjoy this more than we as adults would think. Don't get all worked up over the date on the calendar – you can still do all the usual traditional things, just be a few days earlier/later if the children are spending the Christmas/celebratory period with their other parent. Its about the day you all have together, not the date you have it on. While they are away, keep yourself occupied - deep clean the house, sort out cupboards, long walks to clear your head and get your endorphins pumping, curl up with a cuppa and some chocolate and a favourite film (not a weepie!)
Regarding Christmas Day itself, why not have a quiet one at home with your children? You don't need to paint on a happy face for others, or endure the questioning that families tend to inflict on us, just relax, and enjoy some time with your children.
The focus on festive support for divorcing/separating people is often on being apart from their children; there tends to not be so much focus on those who don’t have children (either young or grown-up) and will spend the day alone, surrounded by the tinsel-covered adverts showing what a perfect Christmas should be. Make Christmas Day one where you are kind to yourself, doing something you enjoy, go for a walk, gather other single friends together for a meal or drinks, indulge yourself in a way that you don't normally do during the rest of the year.
How will you be spending Christmas, and what are your tips for others during this time?
On behalf of Wikivorce, I would like wish you a Merry Christmas, and a much improved year for you next year.
Excellent post RubyT!
I have a couple of friends who are single/ have no family and they can not recommend enough doing voluntary work over christmas. I haven't done it myself (yet) because I have the kids - but think it would be a very satisfying thing to do. They've worked in soup kitchens overnight on Christmas Eve or gone around hospital wards/ nursing/care homes keeping patients company/ singing Christmas carols, hand out presents to children etc.
Something like this may help a lot of people focus on something positive at a time of year where things seem so very bleak!