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Upset with Best Friend

  • richdaniels
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24 Aug 12 #351701 by richdaniels
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So I need some others feedback on this. I am seriously getting a bit upset with my best friend. But, seeing that I am heading into a divorce and he has just recently gotten married maybe I am overreacting. Note that my buddy and I are more than family to each other, I was the best man in his wedding over his brother.

I had some vacation time the first week of July. I ended up spending the entire week with them. I didn’t ask, every night one or both of them would insist on me staying with them when I would go to leave. I helped out around the house, and bought drinks and what not, so I never free loaded off of them. Ever since then things have been off, and to some degree they have been treating me like crap.

First – We had standing plans to see a movie together. They then un-invited me to the movie, they knew I was a little upset about it. Then it was plastered all over FB several times that day they were going to see it. You would think they would have been sensitive to my feelings and kept it low key rather than basically rubbing it in my face.

Second – My best friend and I haven’t been talking as much, In fact he has been somewhat distant since then.

Third – My buddy and I had plans to go to an air show together, he cancelled, didn’t want to spend the money.

Fourth – His wife told me that if I still smoke when they have kids I will no longer be welcome at there house.

Fifth – The last time I was there the wife couldn’t even say goodbye to me when I left, I said it twice just in case she didn’t hear me the first time.

Sixth – Twice he told me they would have me over this past week, I never did get that call.

Seventh – Several occasions he said he would call and never did.

Eighth – I came to the realization that not one time since I have moved into my apartment has he bothered to come over on his own. I have to always go to his house. Sure hasn’t been for a lack of inviting him.

Ninth – All we have been doing is working on my car or on his house. There hasn’t been anything fun in months. I asked if we could do a guys night a couple times. Either didn’t want to spend the money or didn’t want to leave the wife because she doesn’t have any friends. Yet, right after that he’s off to a game with his brother.

Tenth – I had gone over so he could help me with my car, never touched it. But we did get some work done on his house.

So what do others think? Be honest!

  • pixy
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24 Aug 12 #351707 by pixy
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Stop and think. You are in a painful place, you desperately need friends. Does this make you too needy for your friend to cope with at a time in his life when he himself has less need of a friend because he is newly married?

You stayed that week because they insisted - did they really insist or merely make polite noises?

Rebuilding your life after separation and divorce is really really hard. You have to work hard at it. That means going out and actively seeking new friends. Don''t risk suffocating your existing friends. The reality is that your friend has no real understanding of your situation. He cannot understand how devastated you feel because only people who have been through it do understand.

Ring him up, tell him you realise just how clingy and needy you have seemed and promise to back off.

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24 Aug 12 #351711 by richdaniels
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They insisted, I had my stuff in hand ready to head out the door several times.

Thing is, this hasn''t been an issue until that week. They''ve been there, taken care of me, the whole nine yards. There love and support has been huge. Canceling plans has never happened before until recently.

I agree they can''t understand, but my buddy has been more than understanding and has acknowledged he couldn''t begin to fully realize what I must be going through. He has been there every step of the way. I do keep to myself at times and not call or anything. After all, he has a new marriage to focus on.

  • stepper
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24 Aug 12 #351744 by stepper
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It may be best if you backed off a little bit as they are newly married. Leave your friend to contact you, hopefully he will not leave it too long.

In the meantime, you need to make new friends as well.

Best wishes.

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