Dreams

I dreamt my stbx had split up from his gf and I was so happy because then he might see sense and come back! . I often dream about him. Even after all that he has done. Why can''t I get him out of my head and my heart?

Hi

I still dream about my Stbx and his ow, I hate it. I am about 2years Down the line.

Whilst on holiday with kids I dreamt every single night of them two. I must say it it something that we can''t control. I guess as our lives become fuller with other things it might subside.

I just wanted to say you are not alone. However, I know in the cold light of day I would never take him back, the nighttime mind just has to catch up wth the day time mind x

Sorry I can''t offer more

It''s a relief to hear I''m not alone - I recently posted on this topic under "unwanted dreams". So many nights I dream that my good old husband has woken from the spell of the enchantress troll, and comes back to me full of horror and remorse for what he did.
But he is fully infatuated with her and planning to marry and start having more babies after our divorce comes through so that won''t be happening. And even if he did I could never take him back, I would lose all my self-respect and the respect of friends and family. I guess unconsciously we are still hoping for the fairytale ending but in the daytime we know it cannot and will not be.

Dreams like this can be vary upsetting.

It''s very easy to give in to the idea that the wonderful stbx was attracted away from his happy marriage by the OW/OM and if the stbx would only see sense everything would be OK. The harsh truth is that people cheat because they are willing to look outside their marriages, not because they are forced into it or because the OW/OM made them do it.

The thing to remember is you are clinging on the memory of the person you thought your stbx was, not the person that he has now shown himself to be and it is better to let go however hard that may be.

Simon

Aberdeenmum wrote:

I dreamt my stbx had split up from his gf and I was so happy because then he might see sense and come back! . I often dream about him. Even after all that he has done. Why can''t I get him out of my head and my heart?

Its fairly normal to have dreams about something that bothers you. In time, you wont be so bothered about the ex. I have not had any dreams like this for years now. Thankfully.

But it wont be good if he "saw sense" and came back. That actually makes no sense at all. Him coming back will ensure that he did this to you again. And more heartache and suffering will follow. But I know its hard. But you really are better off without him.

Just give yourself time. And look at this man for what he really is. A nasty piece of work that hurt you. Think of him in those terms and drip by drip, the feelings you feel for him will fade. And then he will be just someone you used to know. Chin up sister. C.

Hi Aberdeenmum,

Ditto, nearly four years down the line my dreams still have a tendency to waken me, all with my STBX as the main character!!

I believe that our subconscious is constantly playing catch up and with the day to day humdrum of daily life, we put things at the back of our minds. When nighttime calls, then our minds quieten with sleep, which in turn is when the dreams (or nightmares), however you look at it start! I do think also that this is all part of the healing process too.

Like our wise Marshy points out, hopefully one day the pain will lessen for us all and with the healing work done, there will come a point when we will be dreaming of far more peaceful things and these main characters will have played themselves off centre stage!

Wishful thinking, but possible.

Take care for now FoS x

Cheers for confirming what I really know but still don''t want to accept.

I think it is to do with carrying the divorce agreement around in my bag - I need to hand it in but seem to making excuses not to. He was supposed to do it but then said he couldn''t.

I do need to let him go - I know I do, it''s been 2 years for goodness sake!

I think I need to make Let Him Go be my new mantra,

Xxxx