radiator or drain

Someone once said to me that people are either radiators or drains. Some bathe you in warmth, in other words, while the rest drain the energy, life force or fun out of you.

Similarly my sister is fond of saying that someone is either part of the solution or part of the problem.

And I have heard it said that people are either a blessing or a lesson.

All very neat and tidy. If only it were so! I find that people do not fall conveniently and easily into one category or another, though it can help to think about them in these terms.

I got to thinking about this reading xargle''s blog just now about the labels her x attached to her, which undermined her, while at the same time describing him as charming. My x is by no means charming. And I''m not sure my labels (which are many and varied) all derive from him. I think I came to the marriage positively fluttering with post-its detailing my faults and insecurities.

I tend to see everyone and everything in shades of grey. And I think that this is a good thing! But people who see things in black and white do seem to have an easier time of it. People tell me stuff as though it is an obvious truth, and get impatient with me if I give others the benefit of the doubt and torture myself with trying to see people''s point of view etc. It''s not helping me! And certain enlightened friends (and my counsellor) are helping me to see that my constant worrying about making other people happy, worrying about what they think, worrying that I don''t come up to scratch etc is typical co-dependent behaviour and exhibits a need to control other people. WHich is funny, because I always thought of myself as being weak in this regard (and it is weak) whereas I thought of ''controlling'' as being - I don''t know, but not weak.

Confused.

I am with you I just wish I could I be in my sons world where everything is either black or white no in between no grey just black or white