Being Harassed - Please help

Reading between the lines: it appears that she may need Emotional closure. (We all do). If he's been the hump-em-and-dump-em sort (not suggesting he is that sort) but if she feels used; and cannot move on, it might be an idea to suggest your man deals with this himself and talks to her directly.

I was in the same situation as you are now. My new man met and married me - leaving behind an embittered ex girlfriend.... I put up with her calling the house and rants, until once day I asked what she wanted.... she had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; (not only about obsessive cleaning!) and it was difficult to handle.

When ex said he wanted a divorce, (having thanked me for dealing with all her issues)I becmae the dumped woman needing Emotional closure... and he's pillow-talking his new lady.

Be careful how much time you spend - sorting HIS problems.

Sera
x

Sera wrote:

Reading between the lines: it appears that she may need Emotional closure. (We all do). If he's been the hump-em-and-dump-em sort (not suggesting he is that sort) but if she feels used; and cannot move on, it might be an idea to suggest your man deals with this himself and talks to her directly.

I was in the same situation as you are now. My new man met and married me - leaving behind an embittered ex girlfriend.... I put up with her calling the house and rants, until once day I asked what she wanted.... she had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; (not only about obsessive cleaning!) and it was difficult to handle.

When ex said he wanted a divorce, (having thanked me for dealing with all her issues)I becmae the dumped woman needing Emotional closure... and he's pillow-talking his new lady.

Be careful how much time you spend - sorting HIS problems.

Sera
x

Yes we all need emotional closure, he has explained it to her again and again, until he is blue in the face. But at what point is enough, enough?
This woman is, sadly, very unwell. She has threatened suicide if either of us continued to be together and has attempted it several times in the past. She is also a 'cutter' who has made it clear to me that she carves a wound into her arms every day we are together. She has also threatened my life on many occassions.
From the moment she took it upon herself to call and harass my relatives, this was no longer just 'his' problem. I didnt try to sort out his 'problem' or involve myself in any of this, until she decided to include me and my family in her persecution.
What was I supposed to do? Grin and bare it?
Tried that- she moved onto my family and friends.
So now we have been forced to involve the authorities, there is no other option. What she is committing is harassment, plain and simple.
This is not a usual case of an embittered, meek, poor ex, this is harassment by a very disturbed indivdual who knows no sense of right and wrong, or normal behaviour.

hopeandfaith wrote:

This is not a usual case of an embittered, meek, poor ex, this is harassment by a very disturbed indivdual

...only wish you'd made that clearer in the first post. It not being usual calls for a different reply:

You need to start keeping a Conduct Diary. You need to log all the calls; and there content. Keep messages; and keep texts. You need to inform the Police. They may make an arrest; or issue a Warning. If she is mentally ill; she may ignore that.

You have a Case for a Harrasment charge, and your conduct diary issues can be worked in to a Statement. Your relatives can be witnesses if the court allows them.

I note you say the threats are to self-harm; if there are threats to either you or your property; those should also be brought to the Police attention.

I'm not sure how families can complain. Each individual needs to do this I think. They are third party to your ex.

Sera wrote:

hopeandfaith wrote:

snip...

I'm not sure how families can complain. Each individual needs to do this I think. They are third party to your ex.

The rules have changed. You can now make your complaint to include a third party.

When i was being pestered well i call it being stalked the police went round to the persons home and got them to sign a 6 month harrassement agreeemnt .For 6 months this person signed to agree no form of contact whats so ever.The police took photo copies of the messages from my mobile phone and kept them should the person default on the harrassment warning , and if it went to court there was the proof apart from twice that the person has contacted me whilst that warning was in place and the police did give them a further warning my life has been peaceful.

Angel557 wrote:

When i was being pestered well i call it being stalked the police went round to the persons home and got them to sign a 6 month harrassement agreeemnt .For 6 months this person signed to agree no form of contact whats so ever.The police took photo copies of the messages from my mobile phone and kept them should the person default on the harrassment warning , and if it went to court there was the proof apart from twice that the person has contacted me whilst that warning was in place and the police did give them a further warning my life has been peaceful.

Thankyou so much for your response, I hope to God the police do something similar for us!
This has been going on for a while and in my naiveity I tried ignoring it and in doing so, deleted alot of text messages and emails etc, and having had to change number so much many of the texts and call logs are lost now
But luckily she can be counted on and as recent as today sent me a message again, so I have saved this. I have also written down the entrie history of everything she has done to date and will be taking that with me. As well as print outs of emails she has sent.

Do you think that will be enough?
Thanks again everyone for all the advcie its been very helpful

Hi Hopeandfaith,

You only have to experience three indicents of unwanted, unwelcomed contact. Either from telephone, mail, or verbal.

I was verbally abused just once by someone, the police sent him a letter. If they do not comply with the police letter, it threatens them with a possible 6 month prison sentance.

They do take it seriously and will act quickly.

They will also offer you victim support if you feel you need it.

good luck, hope that you get a result.

zara