Not in love

Has anyone experienced this? I am not in love with my husband any more. There is no-one else - our love has simply evaporated. We seem to be pretending that everything is ok and few people probably know it is not. We have young children which makes it difficult as I know we cannot carry on like this. We have tried counselling. Is it possible to find love again?

First off, being "in love" is a giddy feeling designed to help you mate and reproduce. It doesn't last. Or not in my experience anyway. What does come is love for eachother anyway without the starry-eyed stuff.

Both of you recognise there is a problem which is great, because if only one person thinks there's a problem that's usually where the trouble starts.

You've tried counselling. Why didn't it help? Were you able to understand eachother?

Are you just in a rut or do you feel you can't live together any more? Is the problem the usual one that you are stuck with childminding/housework and he is main breadwinner and you can't see eachother as individuals any more?

Your name "tiredoldmum" implies you are feeling run down and loaded with domestic worries.

Bear in mind that most people on this site are divorced or thinking about divorce or recently separated so they aren't the best placed people to advise on whether you can find love again with eachother.

Hi & Welcome,

There are 2 things that I see in your post. First you say that you are not in love wioth your H anymore. I have to agree with NoRegrets on that one. It depends on how you define 'in love'. Perhaps if you can explain more wbout how you feel towards him, we could understand a little better.

Secondly, you say 'our' love has evaporated. Do I take it that you both feel the same way then?

If you have both drifted apart, then there is an awful lot of work to be done to get your anywhere near being able to survive as a couple. If it's only one of you, I believe it IS possible, but it all depends on exactly what has happened and how you both feel. Again, there will be a great deal of work required.

I guess all I am saying is if you are BOTH committed to trying to work it out, it's possible. If only one of you is, the chances are greatly reduced.

Whatever you decide, post your story and we'll try to help as much as we can.

Take Care

Hi

Agree with the others...

there is a book that may help

I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You (Paperback)
by Andrew G. Marshall (Author)

Take care x