hi, i'm new and in a very messy situation

I knew my husband when i was at school but when we left he moved away and i met someone and had 3 children, one of whom is autistic.
when the relationship broke down i got depression, then the man to be my husband walked back into my life, we got married had another child but all the time he was emotionally abusing me, I didn't realise until I saw a poster for domestic abuse saying signs to look for etc.

anyway i decided eventually after many arguements and promises on his behalf to change that i wanted him to leave, he has but he has taken our son with him, i have been very civil and reasonable, saying he can have joint residantcy altho it is more in his favour, i have given him money every week until he has another job and paid all his bills, but now he is saying he will contest the terms of unreasonable behaviour, he has told all his family that we walked out and i was having an affair and neglecting our children and he tells me that he won't agree to terms of unreasonable behaviour because it will make him look bad.
I don't want to have to wait 2 years because all the time we are still legally married he will try to control me so now i'm not sure what i should do.

i'm no expert but the first thing you need to do is get some legal advice - some sols give it free for the first 1/2 hour i don't think he can contest he is the one that walked out after all -keep your chin up three are hundreds of us out here in the same boat !

If the circumstances are capable of amounting to domestic abuse, it is very likely that it will constitute unreasonable behaviour.

I think it is unlikely that your husband's solicitor would advise him to contest allegations of unreasonable behaviour. It is unlikely to have any effect on the financial settlement.

But what is your position re the child ? If he is abusing you, is there a danger he would abuse the child as well ?

I think I would go ahead with the UB route in your situation. Even if he disagrees, he can simply let it go through with the comment that he does not accept the truth of the allegations but accepts the marriage is over and reserves the right to dispute the allegations should they be raised in other proceedings.

Mike

Hello ananconda

Your in the right place lots of help and support here
quick question how long were you married and why do you think you will have to wait another two years if he does not accept UB?

You can re-word the UB perition if you think it will help, also he can accept the divorce without accepting your reasons in the petition.

Does he know the petition is private only you and H and court officials will see it so no one else will know tell the plonker that.

dukey

I have told him that no-one else will see papers etc but he'll wave them in front of other people telling them it's all lies because thats what he is like he cannot take responsibilty for consequences of his actions at all.

as for the child he has never abused him and although we will have shared time with him i will be monetoring the situation and if he starts showing any signs of abuse, i will be seeing a solicitor again.

also i wasn't aware that you could accept the divorve without accepting the terms, i have my first appt on monday and am going through it all then.

Hello again

Yes he can sighn the petition without checking the box to accept the reasons thus accepting the divorce without accepting your reasons.

dukey