Newbie

I married in 2000. We had a daughter together in 1998. After a succession of affairs, his not mine, we lived quite separate social lives and slept in separate rooms from 2001-2006. We decided to divorce in 2005 but despite consulting solicitors no paperwork was raised. I relocated through work in 2006. He followed in 2007.
I had no knowledge of his finances during the marriage as we had separate accounts. He paid all household bills, I furnished the house, paid for clothing, groceries etc. I worked part time earning £800 per month. He was European Manager for a global top 100 company.
We are amicable for my daughters sake. Basically I lost my fight in the time we were together.
I was hospitalized due to illness in march 2006. He moved into a brand new house and transferred all bills into my name during this time. I had no way of coping.
It then transpired he had remortgaged the marital home twice, pocketing £54K....which he put towards his new house. He changed mortgages every year and when I signed I had assumed it was simply a change of mortgage companies not remortgages.
It then transpired that the ISAs he said he had set up jointly were all in his name.
I grabbed the opportunity to relocate as I was drowning in debt and moving/earning more allowed me to clear those debts...all from the marital home.
He, out of character, gave me £30K from the housesale of the marital home to put towards a new home.
He pays £400 per month child support. He earns £80K per year.
Suddenly he is doing a DIY divorce. He just sold his new house for £250K, his mortgage was for £100K.
I've never gone after his pension or more money than I've already received.
I'm just curious as to why now...what is he up to? Money wise he is very very clever and I know money will be the motivation here.
I do just want a Clean Break and to be free from this man. BUT I also want to know what he is up to rather than live with the knowledge he has got one over on me yet again.
During the time we were married he did not buy my daughter a single birthday gift or xmas gift, there was no family holiday ever yet he has always led the playboy life.

Any words of wisdom much appreciated.

Puddle,
Welcome to Wikivorce. Hopefully you will find some like minded people in similar circumstances who will give you some help and support on your way through this minefield.

You wonder how you could have married someone like that. But there are some pretty unpleasant spouses out there.

Have either of you actually started divorce proceedings yet?

How much of his shady transactions have occured in the last 12 months?

Base on a rough guestimate of his nett income he should be paying closer to £700 per month child maintenance.

If neither have started proceedings yet, his new house is part of the marital asset pot and you are entitled to at least half of it.

He has played a very nasty game with you puddle. You deserve a lot more, both financially and personally. As does your daughter.

Post up some more detail and maybe someone will have some good ideas for you.

Mike

Thanks Mike62

He sold his house very recently and started a DIY online divorce asap. So I am the respondant. At the moment I have signed one lot of papers from the court. I know I should have got a solicitor to vet them but he was pushing and pushing saying he would incurr costs and have to start the whole process over if I didn't return them straight away.
The papers basically say we have been separated for over two years. That there are no monetary issues to resolve or child custody disputes.
It's hard to have monetary issues when he is abroad so much and have no clue what he has where.
We have joint custody but he never really sees our daughter...maybe takes her for tea every few weeks depending upon the latest girlfriend and how she feels about him having a child.
I do struggle to get by from month to month but I manage. There is never anything left over and sometimes I worry where it will end. One week every month I dont sleep because I'm holding my breath to see if my salary will cover the bills. Its a nightmare if the car breaks down or things like that. I worry about pension etc
I just want to close my eyes in the hope that when I open them he is gone for good. I'd happily be poor forever if I thought we were free of him.

OK Puddle, you need to be brave and strong and take him on. He is a bully, and you shouldn't have to suffer at his hands.

You need to see a solicitor - you may be entitled to legal aid. If the process has started, then you need to apply to the court fo Maintenance Pending Suit. And interim solution until such time as the court can deal with the divorce petition.

As soon as you get to the Decree Nisi stage then you need to apply for ancillary relief. THat is the process of settling the finances from the marriage.

All his messing with money needs to be looked into. You are entitled to a reasonable settlement. You need to get the ball rolling.

If you need help, ask for it. If you are scared, don't be. Lots of support here.

Take care and let me know how you are doing

Mike

From what you are saying I'm concerned that you may live in Scotland and if you have signed the DIY papers it will not be possible to make any financial claims.


"I'm just curious as to why now...what is he up to? "

Two possible explanations are that capital gains tax liability kicks in three years after he left the former matrimonial home or he has a new partner.

Well after finally accepting I can't force him to be a Dad I have just phoned a solicitor to sort out custody...I guess I will get some divorce advice at the same time. With my ex everything will be about money and him being in control and coming out on top. I only wish his next partner is a shrink.