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Little steps but still moving forward

  • Deben27
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07 Apr 12 #322160 by Deben27
Topic started by Deben27
I''m not sure whether this is the right place to put this, but here goes anyway and the story so far....
She tells me she''s not happy, wants to separate.
I say don''t be ridiculous, let''s talk about it.
Over the next 3 months I try to talk, she clams up.
I tell her I''ve arranged to see a counsellor, will she come with me?
No she won''t, and by the way she''s been to see a solicitor because I''m not taking her seriously and she wants a divorce.
Oh, then we find out about her affair with the guy who came round to do the kitchen floor, nice touch, so that must have been going on for about 6 months then.
Yes, she says, but its irrelevant, here''s a letter from my solicitor get ready for a divorce.
I say "hold on, lets not throw it all away, what about the kids", and life carries on.
She continues her affair for another 2 months while still living in the FMH, another nice touch, wants me to move out, I say no way, if you are so unhappy you go.
He dumps her because its all getting a bit heavy, and she actualy tells me everything.
The next 2 months were tense, we went to relate together, me desparate to hold on, she not really bothered and looking for an exit.
She moves out, only gone 2 weeks and "I''m never coming back" and by the way OM is around now, amazing, who would have thought it?
So here we are now, been messing about for nearly 18 months, now battling via solicitors, no chance of a reconciliation, she never wanted it, maybe I was too desparate for it, and now we can''t even speak to each other.
We share the children 50/50, I''m in the FMH but under presure to sell it, and I hate everything about this whole situation. I find the time when I don''t have the children very difficult indeed.
But the Petition will go out this week, I have asked her if we can talk via a mutual friend to sort out the day to day stuff where we have some problems, seems much more sensible than a sols letter. Last month cost me £500 in fees and achieved nothing.

But the conclusion: we will never be back toegther now, too much has happened. We will get divorced, the house will be sold, and the kids will be ok. But the dark clouds seem very dark when they come over, but I know it will only last a few days before the kids come back and we will always have a real laugh. Keep smiling wiki''s - little steps, sometimes they are backwards but eventually the sun will shine and you will smile again......

  • survive
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07 Apr 12 #322163 by survive
Reply from survive
Thankyou for sharing your story with us. You''re right it''s an awful situation and I''m sure one that most of us hate to be in and never thought we would be.

However the cards have been dealt and we all have to try and get through it best we can. Ups and downs, but hopefully happiness to be found again for us all one day.

Keep strong and enjoy your children (for a lot of us they are what keeps us going)


  • WhiteRose
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07 Apr 12 #322167 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
Hugs Deben,

Welcome to wiki!

It seems your situation has dragged out for some time now and its awful to have that in-limbo feeling for so long.

But you have the right attitude; you''re trying to be positive, acknowledge that there are dark times, you want to sort things out between you - you''re right its so much cheaper to do the negotiating as much as you can between yourselves.

Some find writing their own letters and seeking sol advice on an ad hoc basis workable. This means you''re not represented, you represent yourself but if there is something you need clarification/advice on you go to see a sol for an explanation. TBH there''s quite a lot of advice you can gain here from the site - we have lots of experienced wikis and sols here too. This way you only have to use the services of your sol on occasion - cutting down costs dramatically.

I''m rambling now - sorry.

Take care & stay positive.

You''re right little steps work!!

WR x

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