Newbie and drained

Hi nonymouse,
18 months ago we were going through the same thing. My husband and his ex had a text argument about who should collect the kids .... 9 days later he gets a call from the police saying he''s harassing her. They weren''t interested in the content of the texts, only that she ''felt harassed''. When we had our next 4 page letter from her (this was after she sacked her sol!) she referred to the harassment warning she''d had taken out on him. It was pointed out that there was no such thing; she rang the police again even though there had been no contact since the argument and insisted on having a warning served on him. As it was, they botched it and he refused to sign it. This was ongoing with some harassment of myself - she came into my workplace (I teach at their eldest''s school) to complain about me. This despite the fact I didn''t teach their son!
This is how we countered it. There was absolutely no contact between husband and ex for well over a year. We had a contact order in place so there was no need for contact with her. We opened a file with our local police about her behaviour, which we took to be harassment in itself (we live in a different area so this might have helped). We contacted a local sol about taking her to court for slander - and made her aware that this would happen if she continued.
This really helped, we didn''t hear a peep from her. In fact, husband and she have only spoke twice in all this time.

I guess a trip to a solicitor is in order then. Slander or harassment as the subject?. Can anyone blatantly use the police to harass someone without penalty? The police can see what''s happening but they allow it? Where does wasting police time, effort and money come into this?

I would definitely talk to the police and complain that you are feeling harassed and then get a solicitor letter sent from you stating that fact.

Sometimes fighting fire with fire is the only option.

Hi, it is weird but our situations could be exactly the same but i am on the other side of things. i hav had to go to the police on several occasions about my ex. it began when he assaulted me and the police persuaded me not to press charges. my ex lied about it to everyone and made me out to be crazy. then my ex started trying to turn my friends against me. he threatened on numerous occasions that i would never see the children again. he verbally abused me in front of the children on several occasions. when i stood up to him i was immediately accused of harrassing him. the night i celebrated my daughters birthday happened to be the night before our court date. he texted me and said he was coming round to leave my things. i said not tonight because we are busy. he came with his partner and dumped my stuff, including my wedding dress on my drive. the children were there as were my family. i called the police. there was nothing they could do.
then he filmed me on his mobile phone every time he dropped the children back. i found this extremely upsetting. my partner pretended to film back so he might see how distressing it was but he continued so i called the police. he was given a harrassment warning. then he took a photo of me at work. i found it distressing so i called the police. he lied to them and everyone else even though i had many witnesses.
i thought things were calming down when i received an email not from him but from his partner. i called the police. it was not openly nasty but there was an undercurrent of having a go at me.
he harrasses me.i feel harrassed. i just want him/them to leave me alone. am i wrong to feel harrassed? am i wrong to go to the police? am i wasting police time?

Matters relating to the police and their actions are very important to me and I am sorry to say that police offices will not issue a harassment order without evidence of harassment being carried out.
The harassment order will state the reason for the issuing of the notice, it cannot be issued without this.
What I suspect has happened is that they have not been clear with you about the reason for issuing the notice. They should have very clearly explained the reasons for the notice when the visited you to serve the notice and they should have asked if you had any questions regarding the matter. If it has been sent to you by post then you can be sure that they would have visited your registered address before deciding to post the notice to you.

If you really consider that you have been served the notice unfairly then you should in the first instance contact the officer who served the notice and request further and specific details of the notice. If you are not satisfied with the response then contact the police station from where the notice was issued and request a formal meeting with the highest ranking officer at that police station. I say the highest ranking officer for that police station because the rank of this person will be dependant on the size and management of the police station.
If you are still not satisfied with the response then make a formal complaint to whoever the police authority is for the area in which you live i.e the met, humberside etc
You do not need a solicitor for this process, you will be wasting your money if you appoint one.
If there is wrong doing then it will be identified very quickly and you will receive a formal apology. I would also say that if there isn''t any wrong doing then you will be made aware of the facts of the matter straight away.

You''re not wasting anyone''s time. If you feel harassed then you are harassed! They are toying with your emotions. It''s a form of bullying. Try this :

www.lifeafteradultbullying.com/

If you speak to either your ex or his partner face to face record the conversation on your mobile or get a Dictaphone. They''re small and discreet. You keep one in your purse/handbag.

Phone the helpline, it''s free.

The police have to respond to any complaint of harassment. If you read the letter they deliver they state that they do nothing to verify the truth of any of the allegations, it just serves as a warning that someone has made a complaint (its like when they go to inform women breastfeeding in public that someone has made a complaint).

They ask for a signature and you are at liberty to refuse. They then return the form saying that you refused.

My wife pulled this stunt on me and then went around telling my family and friends that the police had issued me with a non molestation order. I had to tell everyone that only the courts can issue this and that we had at no time been to court.

I would hate to be a policeman having to deliver the warnings that they know are most likely complete fiction.