Fed up and don''t know what to do next

Have been married just short of 20 years and for the past 4+ it''s been pretty much dead.

Tried so many times to make it work but have to come to the conclusion that its like flogging a dead horse.

No cruelty (verbal or physical) on either side or adultary (to my knowledge)...just a nothingness that would have had me gone if I was just dating my partner.

He is content to sit all night drinking beer (about 5-6 cans a night) or visiting the same two local restuarants for food and again drinking. I feel I am just keeping him company in this behaviour and it is all we have in common. I drink as it is the only connection we have (other than two grown up kids) I frequently talk about us not drinking and doing something with ourselves, I arrange weekends away (which as long as he has access to a drink is ok). We ha a pleasant enough time then its back home to the same old, same old.

We are still under 50 and I feel I am living the life of a 70+ year old and want to move on.

When I try to discuss separation/divorce he cannot see what is wrong and then uses money/property/business issues to dissuade me (i.e. theres no point selling property we own as 1) it wont sell in the climate & 2) the banks want it all back anyway).

I couldn''t care less anymore I just want to feel alive again. Lifes too short to keep living a souless life.

What do I do to start the initiation process? He won''t move out and I have been advised by a friend not to leave the marital home.

Soz for the whine, some people might think I have a good life but it is a marriage that is dead in the water.

Hi there

Sorry that you are here, I know how it feels to have a married life that is compromised by drink. My x was / is the same, I would say not an alcoholic but alcohol dependent for want of a better word.

I would suggest you start by buying the book by relate on having a happy divorce, this has exercise in it which helped me see the actions & reactions of both my x & I. It also helped me come to terms with our split, we basically lived the latter years of our married life in separate rooms, hiding from each other.

This book also takes you through the divorce process & also looks at if you should split or seek counselling etc.

It really helped me (you can order it online)

Good luck & stay strong JJx

Yes, we have been mostly staying in same property for years in separate rooms with some attemts at reconciling only to fail every time.

Thanks for advice.