Breadwinner wife with abusive househusband

You are making the assumption that my husband is a normal decent human being. How I have described him is very a mild description of true behaviour.

And many men would say the same about their ''''lazy ex'''' who sat at home looking after the children, usually around the same time they decide they want out and discover they will have to pay the ex money.

However in supporting your ex for the last 9 years you have demonstrated that you were ''''happy'''' for the situation to continue. Now you have decided your not but the law will look at the past situation not at the behaviour of your ex.

If your ex decided to fight for residence of your son, it is very likely because of the previous situation he would be awarded residence, due to maintaining the status quo.

Hello workingwife,

I am afraid I cannot help on the legal matters, but having lived and “subsidised” my ex drinking (and probably slight gambling issue but I am not sure about that one) habit for many years (even so he was always the highest earner), I can sympathise and send you hugs and best wishes

((((()))))

C x

It sounds as though your stbx might have problems with depression. That having been said he is the father of your children and so deserves to be treated with some respect. And yes the status quo is tht he is the primary care for your 9 year old, that you have a long marriage and the financial settlement will reflect that - just as it would if you had stayed at home and he were the breadwinner.

Hi workingwife

Just to let you know I know how you feel & pass on my (((hugs))) I supose for those that have made a judgement .... I would say that perhaps as in my case the (intermittent) stay at home father ... Did just that, none of the associated (work) that goes with the stay at home bit.

For those that do truly stay at home, of either sex, I take my hat off to you as its hard work, but it is also hard work being the worker & the cook, cleaner, parent etc ... Whilst another sits & doesn''t engage (except with a bottle & to curse you etc).

I sound harsh & please don''t pull me to bits but ww may have been in that same situation & although you keep going (for whatever reason) there comes a point when enough is enough.

Yes it may be depression, I see that but in someways we all have to "help" ourself in this also, & sometimes supporting (even as much as you can) ends up facilitating & not helping anyone.

WW what about your 9 yo, who would they rather be with in all this?

Stay strong ww JJx

It seems that there are two issues here, one about who the children live with and the second is the financial arrangements.

Looked at separately, if your husband''s behaviour is extremely abusive, does it amount to domestic violence? Have things become physical? Are arguments going on in front of the children? All these things could affect how the court views who the children would live with if there was a dispute.

Does his drinking affect his ability to provide adequate care for a 9 year old? If yes, then you might need to think about making alternative arrangements asap.

On the finances side, it IS galling, yes, no one would wish this to happen, particularly later in life when it is less easy to catch up finanically. Divorce is a major cause of impoverishment. Swallow it slowly......