All this pain, and nobody to turn to.

I am a 47yr old male, and i have just had the bombshell that my wife wants to divorce me. We have 2 children and what i considered to be a normal family home.
I am absolutely distraught at the fact i might lose everything I have tried so hard build. We both were''nt happy , but hey with work committments, school run, late hours and the usual day to day living while life passes you by, we thought it was something that would eventually come good. Not now.
She tells me that she has changed, she has matured, she no longer finds me attractive and there is nothing left.
I have cried buckets, and because of the committment I gave to this marriage and children i no longer have any close friends i can share the pain with. My parents are not very well and the news of this will devastate them. It seems to me she has all the aces, she wants the family home, she wants the children and she wants me out of her life for good. what can I do?, who do I talk to?, I am not in a good place, in fact at the moment I feel I do not want to be anywhere, Please Help!!!!

Hi Jeff,

Firstly sorry your here. But it''s the best place for you.

Secondly don''t worry or panic ok? I know it sounds heard but we have all been through or are all going through what you are.

For me it''s over 2 years. I don''t see my children but you will lose many things as a result. Your children won''t be 2 of them. If they are teenagers you are sorted.

Firstly take a few days/week to get used to what''s going on and take baby steps with anything you do.

Most importantly of all talk to us buddy we are here for you!

Will

Welcome. You are still in shock, so give yourself time to begin to come to terms with things. Your new wiki friends know exactly what you are going through as we have all been there. Exploit us, we are here to support you through the pain and sheer awfulness of divorce.

Rest assured that the combined experiences of people on this site suggest that your wife is probably very unhappy in herself and is looking for a quick fix. Instead of looking within herself to understand why she is unhappy she is blaming your relationship. You won''t want to hear this but she has probably found someone else.

What your stbx wants and what she will get are two different things. Your children''s welfare is going to be the first priority; if she is the primary carer then she will probably be entitled to a lot of support from you. You are probably at too early a stage to make any rational decision, so again give yourself a bit of time before posting details that will help the more knowledgeable wikis to suggest a fair settlement.

In the meantime take steps to protect yourself. Be polite but avoid contact as much as is feasible in your situation. Separate your finances - no more joint account or joint credit card. But try to keep things as aicable as possible - your children need both of you.

Thank you Will, Its good to know I am not alone, I just wish she could feel my pain, it really hurts. Thank you for being there.

Thank you Pixy, I am at a real low, your reply is a boost I need, the pain is worse than any physical pain, Thank you again, I hope, (Well I dont really know, hope is gone).

Hello Jeff and welcome to wiki. Sadly you will read many stories just like you describe when the other spouse makes an announcement and it feels as though you''ve been hit by a train. Everything you thought was solid rock suddenly turns to shifting sand beneath your feet.

The way you''ve described it sounds as though she''s decided there''s no going back and that''s hard to come to terms with too, the fact that they don''t think there''s anything worth salvaging.

Take time to read the posts on here and begin to take stock of the options. No knee jerk reactions. Don''t do anything yet. Don''t leave the family home. No need to tell your parents yet.

Hard as it is there has to be some straight talking. Ask how she thinks this is going to work out because you have no intention of just walking away from the children. Try to keep it as amicable as possible for their sake.

You might try to get some advice from Relate even if you go alone. They can help you to prepare for divorce.

Go into Chat and talk to people who are going through the same. Just say you''re a newby and you''ll be made very welcome.

You''re in shock, if you recognise it, or not.

Don''t do anything rash; don''t burn any bridges just yet.

Deep breaths, and keep following routine.
It ain''t easy. Behaving "normal" feels like you''re acting. Courtesy to others is like being tortured!
Don''t walk out of your job.

Sorry to share bad news, but this will take you weeks to stabilise.

I too discovered I had no close friends.
Some distant ones surprised me.
Doubtless you''ll also find some of your joint friends are now off-limits.

People on wiki understand & don''t mind incoherent ranting & rambling.
When you''re a bit calmer, explore the site & remember the helpline.

Good luck!!