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Debt debt and more debt!!!

  • Lil lady k
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21 Jul 12 #344582 by Lil lady k
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Hey ... I need sooo much help and advice .. 25 years married .. Financially ruined by my other half ..debt management plan in place ..my house and my lovely mums in a business mortgage agreement that he''s stopped paying !!!! ... Ruined !!! .. But 2 lovely kids!!!..
Help!!!!! ...:unsure:
Not sure where to start ... Can''t sell the house as its subject to a 2nd business mortgage ..can I even rent ??coz my credit rating must be so poor .. Too scared to check !!!
Will I get legal aid .. Work full time and wages not brilliant ..
Just feel trapped and suffocated ..
Any suggestions will be welcomed ..please!!

  • Stingrayj
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21 Jul 12 #344591 by Stingrayj
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Sorry I can''t give you any advice but I can give you a ((((hug)))).
Been financially shafted by mine too after 22 years but hey ho...I''m sure he will be feeling the same after the third world woman finishes him off.
Have three lovely kids...we are blessed x

  • Lil lady k
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22 Jul 12 #344616 by Lil lady k
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You''ve just brought tears to my eyes ... Thankyou so much !!!
A hug is just what is needed.....sending one back to you too
Yes we are blessed ... And that''s what makes it all worthwhile ..
Just feel such an idiot for letting him do this to me .. And my lovely mum..but hey have to move on somehow .. Someway

  • fairylandtime
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22 Jul 12 #344623 by fairylandtime
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Don''t think this is something you have done to let this happen you :)

It is something that happens because we trust, we help we see ourselves as part of a "couple" a "family unit" & therfore we act as a family unit, I.e. yes we as the other partner pay for things, get a loan, pay debts off that are there and are on the family.

Unfortunately, it is often the case that the other person doesnt see it as that, or just doesn''t recognise it.

X left me in terrible debt, both for bank loans, overdrafts, business debts that I''d paid (via family like you) he doesn''t see it as such I took all this on & yes got the house etc to that he sees me as the lucky one the one who "stiffed" him etc etc, not the one who is struggling to pay all the debt that he had the way greater share of amassing, the one whose family is angry at because I took all this on.

Perhaps I shouldn''t have, I should have fought more - I don''t know, but to me the safely & security of my kids & I came first, a roof over their head, food on the table, clothes on their backs. & a swift (well took 2+ years even taking all the b***dy debt) divorce.

It is a real struggle but we have got each other & I''ve got 2 happy well adjusted kids who are doing well at school, so for me it''s worth it.

We didn''t consciously get ourselves in this situation, we thought that we were doing the right thing for our kids, partners, families but it just happened - whatever you do do not blame yourself.

(((hugs))) to you and your children & Stay Strong you will get there JJx

  • Lil lady k
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22 Jul 12 #344675 by Lil lady k
Reply from Lil lady k
Thankyou so much ... Your post was lovely ..and you are right indeed to stop beating myself up thinking that I''ve created all the problems .. When I haven''t !!! You are absolutely right when you say we were just being supportive partners to our other halves ., I can see now who one sided everything was .. Even down to holiday destinations !!! It always had to be where he wanted to go...and as always I agreed !!
In a very bizarre way I think he''s done me a favour coz nobody will treat me like it again that''s for sure!! .. Just wish I could pick up my things and run .. With my kids .. But it''s not proving that simple ..
Glad things are working out for you .. You should be very proud of what you have achieved ..your story is inspirational..
(((hugs to you and your family too))) x
I''m sure they are very proud of you ..
Posting on here has made me realise how many other shave been through similar things .. But with courage and determination that have got through it...
Thankyou xx

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