Heartbroken

My husband of 35 years walked out on me with no warning six weeks ago, he said he'd started a relationship with a work colleague 15 years younger. Hes moved to the other end of the country to live with her. As far as I knew we were both happy, and had a great life. The night before we were out with friends. Every person I've told is in shock. We have four grown up boys who want nothing to do with him. I can't move on, I cry constantly, I can't eat. Only my work keeps my mind off what's going on.

So sorry to hear your story; it must have been a terrible shock. The same sort of thing happened to me last May 2022 and am still trying to get a financial dispute order. He ran off with all our savings and the car etc so he has a solicitor and I am representing myself as I’m on a State Pension. He has a very healthy pension which eventually I will get half of. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Like you I have 4 adult children who are a great support to me. It took quite a while for me to assimilate to the situation but once the legal wrangle started I just got angry and determined that he wasn’t going to have it all his own way. I feel stronger now for the experience and will fight to the end to get what I believe is justice. He has hidden assets, has given away money and property to his two children from a previous marriage, all to keep it out of my reach.
I know it’s hard but sitting around crying is not going to serve any purpose. You need to start thinking about the future. Take comfort in your boys. Do you have grandchildren? If so try spending more time with them. Take up a hobby, anything to start you on the road to recovery.
Best of luck
Lynda

I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you. I had a similar experience, completely blindsided.

First thing to know is you are experiencing shock. It may sound obvious but this is a clinical trauma and it has had an effect on you physically and psychologically. If you are able, find a good counsellor now. If you don’t have the funds, find your local Women’s centre and make an appointment. The impact of this lasted at least 9 months and still has effects on my sleep and stomach.

Consult a solicitor and get some advice about anything you need to do immediately. You can get a free consultation or again, go through the women’s centre. That said, do not feel forced to make any decisions. My husband contacted me the following week to ask if I had thought about the legal side. You probably won’t be well enough to make decisions for months. If you have to, take it very slowly and get good advice.

I found that shock made me incredibly fearful and I was scared of any email, message or letter that dropped through the door. People would not believe how frightening everything feels but it is part of shock.

Try not to listen to everyone’s opinions about why he has done this, you may get views that really don’t help. Stick with friends who help you feel listened to and supported. People may say they don’t want to take sides. That for me felt nearly as cowardly and hurtful as what he did.

I understand you also have your boys to care for, and as far as you can, support them to find ways to express their emotions. This is very damaging to them too.

Please take as good care of yourself as you can, this is not about you honestly.