People are who people are

Hello everyone! At the age of 59 (nearly 60!) and having been married for almost 34 years, I have finally concluded that ‘people are who people are’. Perhaps you disagree, and I’m open enough to accept other opinions, but in my view, people simply don’t change. I have to say that this forum has been good to me. Many years ago (probably 10+) I introduced myself as a man who was living with a spendthrift, a woman who historically bankrupted our family twice, and I ultimately got the courage together and left. 18 months later, and with a divorce in the offing, I heard ‘let’s do counselling’. I caved, and heard sentences like ‘I promise I will never do that to you again’. But of course, people are who people are. And here we are in 2024 with Amazon parcels arriving routinely, credit cards being used and new clothes being ordered ‘because she deserves it’. The individual moment that confirmed all of this to me was when she was caught attempting to steal money from the business. A cheque, with a cheque stub written out to a customer, with the associated cheque written out to her, was the final straw. A cunning mind that is prepared to use her husband and compromise the business in an attempt to satisfy her addiction to spending money. I am not a bad man. Sure I’ve had my moments through the years, but here I am all over again 10+ years later. It’s a little too late for me now at my age, but I just wanted to post so that anyone else who may be going through something similar, who needs advice, here it is; People are who people are. Keep the courage going and get out whilst you can. Life has a funny way of working itself out, and it will for you. I wish you all well.

This is good advice. I made the mistake of forgiving my wife after discovering her affair and her saying she wanted to end it, only to discover a few months later that it was still going on.

People do not change and whether they're cheating, stealing or abusing it's almost guaranteed that they will do it again and again and again until you permanently terminate the relationship.

Agree 100%

No 1 fact of life: the leopard will not change its spots

No 2 fact of life: when people show you who they are believe them ….. the first time

It’s sad but true, and a decent human will always want to give a person a chance and to be lenient but any time I’ve done this it’s spectacularly backfired.

I'm going through my second divorce here and I have now learnt that my days of giving second chances and being the kind, lenient, giving, tolerant person are sadly gone. Whenever you find yourself wanting to see the best in someone and give a second chance - don't.

Definitely no second chances and in the spirit of that - as I go through my first divorce and the no career envelope stuffer demands the kind of settlement that she could never have earned herself - I'll give a piece of advice.

If anybody ever starts dating a divorcee and discovers that they got more than half the marital assets or receives spousal maintenance, then you really, really don't want to get mixed up with this person. They are selfish people who will cause you nothing but trouble and misery in the end.