I may aswell begin this thread!

Juicymoon wrote:

Maybe not the right place to ask this, but feel so bad about myself due to the failure of my marriage

Want to start buiding my self esteem, toning my body, being myself

Feel like a child out of a very suppressed relationship

Have gone from a bonny girl to a bit of a chubby girl

With all this emotion don't know where to start, but if I felt attractive it would make a difference

Hi JM. Divorce is failure. We invest so much time and effort into it and when it goes wrong we feel bad. Its like bereavment. But time is your friend and in time you will get back what you lost in the marriage. Just be kind to yourself and time will do the rest.

Sorry but I take issue with your statement "divorce is failure". Divorce is a NORMAL life event which almost half of those who marry eventually go through. People change, move on ...marriage is not forever!

I divorced in 1999 after 16 yrs together. After all the 'dust' had settled from the court battle divorce hell, he became my friend, for a while (we were co-parenting).

We got on better as 'friends', and only tolerated each other for short periods.

Now, I'm here because my new husband wants a divorce, (he met me after he'd lost his wife, and he's not really ready to be in a new marriage). Hey ho.

BUT: New husband would like to stay 'friends', (because he likes me). And that's where I have an issue.

Why should I, as his wife, suddenly wear a different 'hat' and start wearing 'best friend' hat?? If he can't uphold his marriage vows, then he doesn't get me in his life!

In order to fully move on (into a 'well' space) you really do need to sever ties (but for parenting), stop depending on them for emotional stuff. To have paid ex's bills!?... I'd not have done that. If he took on a woman that he couldn't see was just using him, then that's his lookout.

I too have come through the divorce trauma. My husband of 28 years left me for a very large lady who employed him to do work in repairing some doors her previous partner had smashed his fist through. My ex and VLL had a brief 2 month affair. He walked out with his clothes and his van! They are still together. I was lucky he gave me the house, car and everything, all he wanted was 2 Abba LP's from 1978 and 2 Queen LP's from 1975! Then he tried to say I had various accounts and policies hidden from him, I didn't, but it held everything up, so exactly a year after he left me I became the sole owner of my home. Now two years later I have met a fantastic man, and we had 4 weeks of bliss together, when his wife who left him 6 months before, contacted him, and he told her he was seeing me! Whoosh, since then the vindictive dwarf who met him 7 years ago, married him 3 years ago, has left him twice, has not left him alone. She texts, phones, manages to meet him at every opportunity, and then verbally abuses him, after telling him she wants him back, sents abusive texts littered with the F word. She is divorcing him, wants a 20k annual salary, 200k and a car! The MH is being sold to pay for the settlement, which she still hasn't agreed. Since she has pestered and confused him, he has gone back several times, to see if they can make a go of it, and then misses me and comes back, then he misses her coz she keeps phoning, and goes back to sort it out once and for all. He's there now sorting out the MH as the contracts are supposed to be exchanged on 31st July, so we may get shot of her then. All they do is argue, when he told her he wanted nothing more to do with her one Sunday, he came back, and then on the Monday she found an excuse to phone him, and they had a two hour shouting match on the phone, which resulted in him going back two days later because she had had a tantrum and trashed 3 year old Wedding cake into the carpet at the MH. Neither of them live there! So he stressed that the sale of the property would fall through if it wasn't tidied up, and when he got there, his words" she had made a good job of tidying it up to be fair" She is a mentally ill person, and he is anxious that she will do something drastic to the house unless he keeps her calm! She's nuts! When he's away I have my independence, and tell myself its the last time he will do it! I must have such patience.She even taunts him by saying she is seeing someone, but that again is drama,drama, drama. What goes around comes around. Soon it will all be sorted and we can get on with enjoying our new life. He says they can never live together, but just needs to get her out of his head, masochistic comes to mind!

silver18 wrote:

and 2 Queen LP's from 1975!quote]

..........erm, I lost it after the third line, something about a large lady and a door???

... but two Queen LP's!? That's grounds for divorce right there!

I like wedding cake couldn't keep any 3 years. I don't understand why anyone would want to;)

....(Hands out razor blades)...

I divorced first time aged 40, .... got my self buffed up, attracted ever worse dysfunction.... .... then eight years later, married my new Prince Charming, he loves me, I felt wonderful, he says I'm beautiful,sexy, attractive, intelligent, and admits what we share is rare... and now, only six months into my new marriage, my beau has changed his mind!

Don't get too fit, because you'll just attract the 'players'.

Be happy and confident in yourself, you don't need a man to 'quantify' you. Feel good for yourself, not to attract a new mate.