counseling

Fiona wrote:

I think family and friends are fine if they remain impartial. However, if they take on disputes as their own it inflames the situation and often they are a major contributory factor in conflicted divorces.

Fiona. I disagree with this point. At times like this you need people that are "in your corner". Someone to stick up for you. Its hard when all the people you loved and once cared for you turn against you. So people on your side is a good thing. Blood is blood after all. Chris.

Mmmmm You know what I find really odd about all of what you have both said is that there is truth in both and I have dealt with the lot!!

My NP has been a tower of strength for me during my time of need in this divorce. She has looked into every possible aspect of how I might win something out of all this mess where I feel my solicitors have failed me. She has been my strength and she has made me soldier on through all the emotions. All I have had coming at me is one way traffic all about my ex's needs, how will she cope, blah de blah de blah nothing about how I will manage now at my time of life etc. etc. you all know the story!! Well without my lady I would have cracked and certainly wouldn't have done the amount of investigating all the different options as she has done for me. Not only that but she has tried to hold it all together by looking at ways to keep my ex in her home whilst raising finances for me - she has been totally unselfish throughout!

Anyway from the other side of the coin my ex wife has had one of her family in tow on her side and to this day I blame that person for taking her down this route! For costing her the ridiculous amount of legal fees she has amassed and all because this person always has to be right about everything and has pushed her on and on. They have lent her the money to do this but I know this person doesn't just give hand outs and is as tight as they come!!! I know my ex wife better than anyone and she is a really stubborn person anyway without having someone on her side that is twice as bad as she is!! I think she has suddenly seen the light of what this is costing her, well this person is costing her because suddenly she is backing off. This will not please the righteous one!!!

So, is it good to have a friend or family onside.........well sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't but it really depends on that person...I think myself lucky I have my OBE 1's Cannoodly she'll do for me anyday!!!

regards

OBE

I recommend you try counselling - even if you have to wait a while.
In retrospect, my experience of counselling is very revealing. When the question was;- how can I/we make our marriage work? - it was completely unsuccessful.
After separation, when I was sufferring bereavement/depression, the question was (only);- How do I get myself together again? The counselling was immediately successful.
For me this validates that I was right to separate. It also indicates that counselling can't overcome insuperable differences. But finally with the right question, it helped me dramatically!

Bonne chance - Kalamari

My twopence worth:

I'm just starting to train to be a consellor:
(Daunting, when I'm living in Divorce Hell myself) But; Baby steps to a new life.

All I can add; is that you don't have your partners agenda, and if X2b decides that they don't want to be married, then without a Magic Wand, we're a bit stuck dealing with the way we cope with the divorce.

We can only deal with how we can individually get through what life throws at us. So, yes, the counselling worked when you learned to cope with how the seperation affected your well being.

Sera
x

Hi, I'm new to the Board and appreciate what it seems to offer. I've been divorced for 8 months and have been seeing a Psychologist for about 14 months (since the seperation). I think I've learned a lot that might help me do the best I can as a Dad, and in all the relationships I have with friends, family, and others. I'm not sure I would have learned all the stuff about myself and how to try and make better decisions if it weren't for the guy I see. It needs to click though- seeing a counselor without progress would probably make things worse. It's weird to get used to, but so is divorce- and it helps.

hi gwen

i would recommend counselling..

when all this started i had 4 free sessions (the company i work for use a company for counselling legal advice etc ec) it did help, however after the free sessions were up that was it..

my GP knew what was happening to me as i saw her on a weekly basis due to being signed off, but she said I couldnt get free counselling as I wasnt mentally insane (words to that effect) so as counselling is so bloody expensive here I havent bothered since....maybe thats why I use wiki so much...i know its not a counselling site but talking to real people going through the same things has helped me alot.

good luck !
amanda