Hello again. Been AFK for a while. This website was hugely helpful during the early phases of my divorce. Now it''s all over I wonder if it can help a little more. I’ll try and keep this brief.
I seem to be struggling with my ''new life'', albeit only 10 days old or so.
I lived with my wife for 22 years and we were married for 15 of those. So pretty-much all my adult life has been spent beside her and I''m finding it quite disturbing suddenly not having her around. 17 of those years were in the house I''ve just moved-out of where my ex-wife is still living - the FMH
. And I really don''t like my new (empty) house. It''s not a home.
Long-story-short: We''re both in our early 40s and there are no kids. Over time she changed, and we grew apart to the point where we realised we had no future together. We were on good terms and shared the FMH during the divorce right up until the Consent Order
was approved, which meant I then bought my own house and moved out. Which was coincidentally the day I received the Decree Absolute
Despite my wanting to remain friends, for a variety of reasons we parted on bad terms. It was unavoidable. So she’s turned her back on 22 years of life together, which I simply cannot do. Most of those were great years, and we were extremely happy. I really do want to be friends because I still care about her and I simply cannot see a life for me without her in to some extent. Hell, I’d be happy with a xmas card.
I guess I am just feeling very low. That sensation of being very close to cracking. Like I''m teetering on the edge of... collapse, or something. Can''t put my finger on it. But it’s very uncomfortable. During the divorce I had no time for depression – I was too busy battling my wife’s solicitor, trying to nurse her through *her* depression, dealing with courts, finding/buying a new house to move into and doing countless hours of overtime.
Now it’s all over, I’ve still got loads to distract me. But that depression is encroaching. That initial feeling of relief when I moved-out, and that appeal of a ‘blank page’, has been replaced with a crushing sadness. Probably because my ''old life'' is over, and my ex-wife wants no contact.
Yes, I realise it''s all very new and I''ll probably re-adjust in time. Yes I realise I can and will move on. But right now it''s pretty overpowering. And before anyone suggests it, I’m not interested in dating right now. In fact I can’t think of anything worse.
Bottom line is I really didn''t want a divorce, I really didn''t want to lose my wife''s friendship, and I really didn''t want to move house. But all three have happened.
Any advice gratefully received. What does the Group recommend? Give it time? Counseling? Self-help? See a GP?