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  • scaryspice
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27 Jun 12 #339539 by scaryspice
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I did not say anything about Him not having any right to love them and vice versa .
I didn''t say He couldn''t be in their lives ,just not in mine .
I am dissing Him because He is a cheating,lying ,adulterer.
I don''t need a man who is prepared to treat me like that after 25 years..Who are you to tell me I do !
I am leaving totally up to the kids to decide how and when they want to see Him or have a relationship with Him .
I don''t have to .

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27 Jun 12 #339542 by scaryspice
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If Dads are so important in kids lives ,why don''t they think of that when they are having their affair and then leave to live with someone else .
Surely they should do everything possible to save the marriage .
Some do I am sure .Mine didn''t .
The kids see Him with someone else who He has chosen over them .And a new lifestyle - He doesn''t want family life life ,He wants to live the life of 25 yr. old !
Rightly or wrongly that is their view and has damaged their relationship with Him possibly forever .

  • afonleas
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27 Jun 12 #339545 by afonleas
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Like most of the above posts I feel that I have come a long way in this splitting up malarky,but still have many bridges to cross,and I know that I will cross them and come out the other side.
I can accept that my marriage is over because he ultimatly ended it!by having his affair with someone who has even less morals than him,it was I that put up with the lies and deciet,and lying awake what was going wrong in our life?while he lay there snoring like a pig with no worries at all,it was I who went to work while he was somewhere else and we won''t ask doing what!!!
So when I was confronted with his actions there really was only one option to extradite all that was bad in my life which started and ended with him,so yes Iaccept my life with him is over.
Regarding wmorris reply,my daughters did not ask to have a cheat as a father,and although they tried to remain friends with their father,he texted them on Father''s Day to tell them he was going out with his trollop and her family,which really hurt my girls,so by not thinking about his actions,as every action causes a reaction,he has now been left out of our little circle and will never be a part of it,yes there are some brilliant fathers out there,as we read on here, but there are many who do desert their kids when OW takes over,so no disagree with wmorris, you do not have to be the sperm donor to be the dad,you have to be the DAD to have the honour of being called that.
As for myself, I am a work in progress and starting to like this project i''m working on at times, she can be quite entertaining and funny,and at others she can be a tower of strength for others but basically she is a nice person who would not hurt anyone.
But I found these words very helpful!!!!!

Let go.
Why do you cling to pain?
There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday
It is not yours to judge
Why hold on to the very thing which keeps
you from hope and love?
luv and cwtchs ....................Afon xx

  • Marshy_
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28 Jun 12 #339650 by Marshy_
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Hi Chris. I wanted to comment on this the other day but I didnt get a chance. So here goes...

Triste en France wrote:

Although I have now made another "friendship" I still wonder why the last disaster ever happened in the first place, and can find no rhyme nor reason for it.

The reason the disaster happened was to let you meet this new lady. I always thought you would meet someone and I told you so. Even though I dont like to say "I told you so".

So, I believe there is a reason that everything happens. Often when something bad happens, its for a good reason. And now perhaps you can see why. Sound a bit happy clappy. But hey. C.

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28 Jun 12 #339659 by Marshy_
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Hi WM.
wmorris2 wrote:

So please dont sound like he has no right to love them and they have no right to get it.

They are not saying that. Most mums recognise that having a father in the kids life is a good thing. The bad mums spoil it for all the rest. Just like the bad dads do.

The truth is your children wouldn''t be there without him. so at least respect him for that, rather than the I dont need a man " attitude - because hey guess what you DID and you DO!

I say I dont need a women a lot. But I actually love most women. Its just my ex and all those like her I dont like. I suspect that you say the same.

What could help you is see it from their eyes. They have been shafted good and proper by a man. And of course, all men are evil. Thats normal behavoir. And to understand and help each other, we have to make allowances for each other. A lot of the mums on this site will have a new man one day anyway. Just like you will have a new lady on yr arm. One day that is. Despite what you say now..

Im not having a pop. I just get sick of posts like this where the dad is dissed and theres no need for it when it comes to the kids.

I understand you. I know where you are coming from. There was a spate of men bashing for a while on here. And I was right in there putting the dissers right. But that seems to have stopped now. But women have nothing against dads. Its the men.

I expect to get told off for it - because I am not other members who can say what they want and get away with it

But no one told you off. Cos what you said is right. And there are no people here that can say what they want. Anything you dont like you can report it. We are all the same. There are no special people here. From what I know, its ok to say what you want as long as you are supportive. But you have a right to fight yr corner. But you have to do it like you did it. There was nothing wrong with what you said chum. C

  • Crumpled
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28 Jun 12 #339668 by Crumpled
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Hi i am in the early stages of divorce and i will be interested to see what happens with regard to our children.
We have three who are 19,17 and 14.Until my husband started his multiple affairs he was the best father ever ...now he couldnt give a monkeys..
i will be interested to see long term if they stay in touch with him...they love him to bits it is so sad.......
and before i get castigated.......i have no problem with them seeing or having a realtionship with their father they can see them/he can see them whenever he wants he is their daddy...........it is up to him

  • Kitsi
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28 Jun 12 #339675 by Kitsi
Reply from Kitsi
what a fantastic post
I am goig to print it out for my lowest days- which are pretty much every day at the moment
I live alone in the middle of nowhere - love the countryside but can''t seem to even do the walks we did as it''s ''too sad'' and had to sell my Pashley (bike) to pay some bills.
Some days I feel overwhelmed and just want to go back to bed but its posts like this that keep me going and now AS i HAVE JUST SEEN A JOB i MIGHT BE QUALIFIED FOR- i AM going to apply as this post put me in a better place.

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