Ex wife’s access to my home

I wonder if anyone can advise? My ex left me to marry the priest who married us (you couldn’t make it up). We had mediation back in the day, with agreement not to claim for either’s assets. My son ended up quite quickly living with me full time and will soon be eighteen. I’ve always agreed that she come round every day after work to see our son but cannot stand her. She was violent and abusive, extremely angry, and was gallivanting when my father passed away, meaning I could not be with him at the end, which was heartbreaking.

I don’t want her round any more, she just comes and sits on her phone and knows all of our business. She acts like she still lives there, often has a nap on the sofa and has even used the toilet to do ‘number 2s’. She is horrible and I can’t bear to see her any more.

My son has recognised her traits and anger himself, having had a fair few run ins himself with her, and hasn’t wanted to go round her house for the last few years. I have never prevented her access and never slagged her off to my son.

She’ll flare up if I stop her, I’m not sure of my rights and, in all honesty, am frightened of another round of lies to whomever will listen to her which, back in the day, included that I was violent, coercive and sexually intimidating, none of which is what I am about.

Any advice or insight would be very welcome, thank you.

It’s ten years since your last post so obviously thing so have moved on since then.

Might be worth speaking to your son, he might really love her coming round. Your son is about to be 18. Tell him whenever he wants to meet up with his mother it is now up:to him to arrange a time and place with her.

Assuming all squared with your son Tell her you no longer want her round, it is time for the arrangement to change and her and your son can make other arrangements.

If you have never formally sorted out division of assets with a court order it is probably worth doing now as well.

Thank you. It has been ten years since my last post, quite incredible how time passes. I never had any financial support from her, she once offered informally but I did not accept as this was outside any agreement we’d come to. In all honesty I’ll not expect to seek anything from her. I’ve brought up my son alone and he is a caring and loving person and that’s all that matters.

After my last post here, my father passed away and we were then burgled -two successive years of pain, but the focus on giving my son stability has sustained me.

When Dad developed epilepsy they had him on life support and issued a non resuscitation order (this was some time before he passed away, a few months before she moved out); she insisted that we break the news of divorce to our then seven year old. He broke his heart and she went to the gym.

The first day I dropped him to her new house broke my heart, and I drove round to see my mother where I cried like a baby afterwards.

Very soon he expressed he wanted to stay with me always and, naturally, his mother was glad for this as she was clearly desperate to marry the man she was actively pursuing and who had not yet stepped away from the priesthood.

I just want rid of. As it happens I floated the idea of her not coming round to him last night. Sadly he was tired and didn’t want to discuss it, in fact seemed very agitated. When I asked why, he said he didn’t want to deal with all her crap that would result. I said, ‘You mean you’re frightened of her reaction?’ to which he replied ‘Yes’.

Hi
You have created a long standing situation. I do understand how you feel and maybe you have resolved the matter by now?
Sometimes in our lives situations arise we have to deal with, they maybe situations of confrontation. I certainly dont like them, but you have to confront them and deal with them.
You rarely know what the outcome will be, but I have to say, more often, it is a good and amicable outcome.
This is your home. You have to call the shots, How does the other guy now think of her behaviour?
As an 18 yr old he has to make his own arrangements from now on to see his mother.

Dear gentle soul…. It sounds to me that your ex partner is a narcissistic bully. She has been getting away with murder for as long as you have known her. The danger you face is that you may one day snap, and cause harm. Or she may one day go too far. The only way forward is to take the plunge and obtain a non molestation order from the courts. This will protect you and your son, and allow you privacy to clear your head, and begin to heal.
right now, your ex doesn’t want to let you go because she is enjoying the power she has over you. Not because she cares about you or her son. It is a rush to her ego each time she sees you cower. Be brave and sever the link. Your courage will help give your son confidence when dealing with bullies. Do not be afraid. You can do it. You can set yourself free from a Narcissist. I have suffered the same and can promise you from my own experience that you will feel love again with a better woman one day.