Children over 18

Hi, I have a question

I have in the last couple of weeks found out my wife has committed and admitted to adultery. I found out 2 days before our 25th Wedding anniversary. My 25th wedding anniversary was spent at the Solicitors, not what I had planned

I intend to file for a divorce and have already seen a solicitor.


We have 2 children. The first is now 19 nearly 20 and we also have a disabled son of 17, 18 in August.

Our eldest wants to move in with myself and our disabled son will be looked after by my wife. Because of the our sons disability he now has a very limited life expectancy. He is sadly very much on borrowed time as most boys with his condition die in their teens

Our House has been valued at £400,000 and we have a mortgage of around £35000 leaving a pot of around £365000 after selling the house.

I have run the calculator and it comes out with an 80 / 20 split. I have not counted our eldest child in the calculation as she is working and over 18. Am I correct to do this? Also, the 80/20% split seems very unfair. I work full time and have a nett income of £2035 and my wife part time with a nett income of £500. Her's includes Carers allowance and Child benefit. Our son receive DLA and Mobility amounting to around £360. He attends college around 20 hours a week. My solicitor has told me that she needs to increase her hours worked hours to the same as our son is at college.

Does the settlement figure seem about correct? This will leave me very little money to go towards purchasing another house and for myself and daughter whereas my wife will be able to live mortgage free and with a nice lump sum in the bank as well as Spousal support and Child support. Does the fact I will have our 19 year old daughter living with me count for nothing?

Needless to say my weight is falling off and have trouble sleeping thinking about what the future holds.

As of 2 weeks ago I was thinking about our mortgage been paid off in a few years and living debt free, and now it looks like I will need a millstone until I retire

Regards

I wouldn't worry too much about the results of the mortgage calculator - it doesn't always seem terribly accurate. Did the solicitor you saw not give you some indication of what to expect in your circumstances?

During the day there'll be people on this site with a great deal of knowledge on this subject and they will offer you more specific advice than I can - I just wanted to send you my best wishes at this horribly early hour of the day. This is an excellent site and I hope finding it will make your awful a situation just a little bit better with the help and advice you'll get.

Good luck.

OK many thanks

My wife initially said she'd be happy with a 50/50 split which is what I told my solicitor. I am more than happy to support my son(less so my wife understandably).

However I think the outside influences are now starting to effect my wife in what she wants. Our daughter has had a big bust up with her Mother hence she's moving with me , she's been a great support also to me, bless her. They are now not speaking.

My wife is able to get a house for around £180K with the 2 bedrooms she'll need however she's looking at larger than that and obviously the cost rise. She's spending much time with her new "boyfriend" and I feel he will move in shortly after she purchases although I dare say it will not be a "move in" sufficient for me to stop spousal support.

After fully supporting my wife and family for all this time I just feel totally hacked off as to what is now happening. Doing a job I hate just to make sure there has always been everything needed which at times has been very hard to do.

Just had 3 hours sleep again which is the maximum I seem to get now. Horrendous time!

Regards and thanks for your help

Alan.

I feel for you as I've been in the same place myself.

You are in a 'process' called divorce now and that could take years to sort out. My advice is to play the long game. Be the petitioner but don't rush everything. It is a massive learning process and you may realise that the longer things take, the better they are for you. An example of this is your ex2b's relationship - if it is the real 'thing' and the divorce take time, she may move in with him and start cohabiting so that works in your favour - it did with mine.

Don't worry about the calculator. Computer programmes can't include everything

Good luck and keep posting. There are lots of people on here who are very helpful

Mon

OK thanks, much appreciated

Regards

Hi Also,
You are reeling from shock and I hope in time and with the help here things improve for you. Like birth, no two divs are the same and it can be a real rollercoaster of emotions. In my experience, procrastinating the div created great difficulties for the then teenage children and I would not recommend it, albeit this has been a result of my x and the solicitors and I am supposed to be the petitioner! On the other hand, dont sign or do anything whilst vulnerable, no matter the pressure.
Regards,
Elle

Thanks, I am hoping that my ex-wife will go easy on me and hopefully settle on a 40-60 split in her favour. I can then hopefully live mortgage free or very small mortgage. She's said that |I've done nothing wrong and wants a Clean Break. We'll see what she says though after visiting her solicitor on 2nd April. When she knows what she can possibly get things may change. I'm just preying she has a heart at the end and not drop our daughter and myself in the fertiliser!