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Married to a pyschopath???

  • hadenoughnow
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07 Jun 11 #272044 by hadenoughnow
Topic started by hadenoughnow
We have had a request from a trusted journalist who needs some anonymous feedback which you can add to this thread or PM me, Hadenoughnow and I will put you in touch directly.

This is what she has asked:


I am writing an article for You magazine about women who are unfortunate enough to be involved with – or to have been involved in the past – with a psychopath. Don’t stop reading! Most psychopaths are not in Broadmoor – in fact, they are more likely to be doing very well on the stock exchange or running their own companies, or perhaps moving from one failed grand scheme to another. A new book by Jon Ronson ‘The Psychopath Test’ looks at the psychopathic personality – and there is a world famous and widely used checklist in which a high score indicates a psychopath. I won’t list all 20, but they include – glibness/ superficial charm; grandiose sense of self worth; proneness to boredom/need for stimulation; pathological lying; cunning manipulative; lack of remorse/guilt; shallow effect; Callous/ lack of empathy… The important distinction between a psychopath and the majority of the population is the lack of a conscience and ability to act with no moral code.. Another defining point on the checklist is ‘many short term marital relations’. Psychopaths tend to draw people in with their charm and charisma, but are easily bored, prone to promiscuity and also whirlwinds of malevolence that leave a trail of destruction in their wake. They must be a nightmare to marry and even worse in divorce. If this rings any bells for anyone, I would love to speak to you entirely anonymously, changing any identifying details - and showing you the copy also beforehand. Alternatively, if anyone cares to write any of their own experiences on the thread, that would also be most helpful. I’m interested in what drew you to this person, how their behaviour changed, any red flags and the damage caused.. I have found people for other pieces through Wiki before and have always mentioned the site in a favourable light and made the point that it has offered much support at such a horrendous time. I’ll be sure to do this again. If anyone can help, please write here or contact Hadenoughnow who will put you in touch…

  • flowerofscotland
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07 Jun 11 #272065 by flowerofscotland
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hadenoughtnow,

These are typical traits of a narcissist! Like I have said on Wiki before, "a narcissist is great at a party, but do not get into a relationship with one".

Jekyl and Hyde characters, who say one thing and do the complete opposite. They are very much 'pied pipers' who seek their admiration from those who mean little or nothing, giving little or no consideration to those who should mean everything to them!

Hope I can help.....if it makes a difference and can help others going through what I am going through then just shout!

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07 Jun 11 #272073 by zonked
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Perhaps people do bad things because they are selfish and weak? I prefer this explanation as it attaches responsibility to actions whereas applying a personality disorder absolves blame. You can't be 'bad' if your actions are the result of poor mental health.

  • hawaythelads
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08 Jun 11 #272077 by hawaythelads
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I'll give you the ex harridans number ;)
Oh shxt that's a bit glib innit.:blink:
His royal Hawayness :blink:Oh No that's just ticked the box prone to grandiose sense of self worth :blink:
What's that you say mother? Go up to the shower with the carving knife????:blink::blink::blink::P

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08 Jun 11 #272109 by Fiona
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lol- HRH makes a good point. We all have some of the same traits as someone with a personality disorder. :laugh:

I'm sorry but I don't like pop psychology. IMHO it is irresponsible and can be very harmful, even abusive, to encourage people to associate traits to a mental disorder and label others without the appropriate knowledge and training. Psychological disorders are notoriously difficult to diagnose and diagnostic tools should only be used by impartial professionals who have the experience to apply them correctly.

Some years ago after reading checklists a poster was convinced her ex was a psychopath and psychotic. This was highly unlikely as, in a nutshell, someone with a personality disorder is cool and calculating and psychosis is a loss of contact with reality. Anyway the last I heard about the poster was she got back together with her husband.

Robert Hare devised the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) most commonly used to assess psychopathy. Because the potential for harm if the test is used or administered incorrectly is considerable, he says that the test is only valid if administered by a suitably qualified and experienced clinician under controlled and licensed conditions.

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08 Jun 11 #272119 by Fiona
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Guernsey Guy makes the point more eloquently;

I have been reading up extensively on neuro-surgery recently. I feel that after quite literally, *days* of study, and despite not a little scorn from so-called professionals, the time has now come to carry out my first practical experiment.

Unfortunately, my wife left me when I advised her of my plans, and even the cat won't come in when I called him. As a result, I have regrettably decided to perform this first procedure on myself.

I have purchased all of the relevant tools (hand mirror, scalpel, soap and towels).

Don't you let the naysayers put you off Sucker. I will be back tomorrow to report on my progress.

Meanwhile, I trust that your first experiment will be as successful as mine and that you will have sectioned yourself by close of business today.


www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice...spective.html#109232

  • mumtoboys
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08 Jun 11 #272126 by mumtoboys
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whilst I would be the first to hold my hand up and say 'yes, me, I married someone with those personality traits', is it not potentially libellous (can't spell it! hopefully you know what I mean) to be publically stating your ex has a mental health problem? It may well depend on the quality and type of journalism but it feels a bit of a step too far to be naming the ex is a psychopath in public (I do it in private all the time!).

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