Are there any court orders in place regulating your child's time with you or Mum? Did something happen to trigger Mum's actions?
The first step is to have a mutual conversation with your ex-partner. If possible, you should sit down with your ex and use this opportunity to express your concerns over the lack of contact. It is is a good idea to think of some ideas on how you can improve the contact they have with the children, such as if you don’t have a routine on who has the children on what days think about suggesting putting one in place. A more organised routine for the children helps everyone as each knows what’s happening and when, and when the children will be with a particular parent and for how long.
If you can prepare a parenting plan first, this will give your ex something to consider, and will show that you have carefully thought about how your children’s time should be divided, and that your proposals are in their best interests. If having a face-to-face discussion isn’t possible, then you could send a letter or email instead.
Make sure you keep a copy of the letter, and if you are posting it, send it by registered post so you have a record that it has been received. Enclose a copy of the parenting plan, or your proposals for time with your children. Put a timeframe in your letter for your ex to reply by, as you don’t want to waste valuable time by waiting for weeks in the hope your ex will reply.
Keep your communication child-focused, and don't include your personal feelings about your former partner in the letter, or other communication.
If this doesn’t work or you are unable to sit down with your ex, your next step would be
mediation.
Mediation is a good chance for you both to be able to express your concerns about contact with the children and come out with a fair and practical outcome for everyone, especially your children. Think about what you want to talk about beforehand and remember that mediation is for the both of you so give your ex a chance to speak and express their concerns too.
If you are able to come to an agreement, either by direct discussion, or via mediation, it is a good idea to record your final agreement in a parenting plan to formalise it. This sets out exactly what your arrangements are, who is responsible for what, when contact time starts and ends, etc etc so that there shouldn’t be any misunderstandings over the arrangements in the future.
If you want to make things more formal, you can record your agreed arrangements in a parenting plan with your ex. A parenting plan is a agreement between both parents to help each parent know what is expected of them, when they have the children, living arrangements, where the children will be collected and dropped off etc.. Parenting plans are not legally binding so they can be changed if needed but they can be very useful to help each parent understand what is expected of them and when they will have their children.
If none of these steps are successful, you will need to consider making an application to court for a Child Arrangements Order.
It is a good idea to send one final letter or email, setting out your child arrangement proposals, your willingness to attend mediation (if appropriate), and that if you do no not hear back from them with the next 7 days, you will be applying to court.
While you are waiting for a reply (or for the 7 day period to finish), use this time wisely. Arrange your MIAM if you haven’t attended one recently and start preparing your C100 application.
As the applicant you will have to attend a MIAM, so even if your ex has refused to attend mediation, you must make sure that you attended your MIAM, and get the relevant paperwork so that you can apply to the court. Not everyone has to attend a a MIAM, there are exemptions – click here for details.
You apply using a C100 form. You can apply online at Gov.UK, and you may find our guide useful when completing the form.
It is best to not delay in applying to court – the longer the delay the longer it is that your children and you spend apart; and the more difficult it will be to reinstate contact and re-establish your bonds with your children.
