Not sure what to do??

Hi,

This is my first post, apologies if it should be somewhere else but the biggest issue we face currently is with our home so i thought i would post in here.

My husband and i have been married for 7 years and have decided 2 separate (although almost entirely my decision). We moved into our home 10 years ago and initially rented it from my Father, the owner who then sold it to us at a loss (incurring a capital gainst tax bill in the process:blink: ). I love my house and it pains me to think i may have to leave it.

We have £140,000.00 left on the mortgage and a valuer came today who priced it at £175,000.00 but suggested that we accept offers above £165,000.00 (although this is what my husband said as i wasnt there but i trust him). I''m gutted that this is the worst possible time to sell as the market is awful. My husband wants to buy my share of the equity and remain in the house. i would love to keep the house but have a part-time income of only £740 per month. We have 2 children aged 2 and 5.

We are both a bit stuck right now for what to do, i feel like i''m in limbo (sleeping on the sofa). He keeps showing me details of rental properties he thinks i could afford, but i know my stance legally changes once i leave the home. I could move in to my mum''s house but again i will have left the home, and have a lot of stuff:P

If anyone could offer anything at all, even morale support lol it would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks
Claire x

superbob wrote:

suggested that we accept offers above £165,000.00 (although this is what my husband said as i wasnt there but i trust him).

Hum, a healthy amount of trust is good but you really should verify this. You can get a very rough valuation on the internet sites such as www.zoopla.com. Or you can get an estate agent round yourself for another valuation. There''s nothing wrong with this, in fact it''s very common to get 3 valuations and take the average. Estate agents don''t always agree with each other.

My husband wants to buy my share of the equity and remain in the house. i would love to keep the house but have a part-time income of only £740 per month. We have 2 children aged 2 and 5.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE

You have the trump card right there, the children. If you leave the house then you''ll be throwing your advantage away. Presumably he has a full time job with a decent income, and you will be the primary carer after you divorce? So, tell him that you are not leaving the house, and that you want it transferred into your name. This is exactly what any court in the land would order. A mother and 2 young children would never be made homeless. Start showing HIM rental properties that HE can afford.

There is very little equity in the house and so it is not worth fighting in court over. Once he realizes his position (being a man, his position = boned), he will start to be a bit more sensible.

If you haven''t started the divorce process yet then do so.

thanks for the response Cookie.

I definitely want more valuations as it is obviouly in his best interest for the value to be as low as possible.

he is still in denial that the marriage is over, there is someone else involved on my side too:blush: and I think he automatically decided that as all this was my decision I should be the one 2 move out and tbh I do feel very guilty.

Presumably he has a full time job with a decent income, and you will be the primary carer after you divorce? So, tell him that you are not leaving the house, and that you want it transferred into your name. This is exactly what any court in the land would order. A mother and 2 young children would never be made homeless. Start showing HIM rental properties that HE can afford.

He has a very good job, this is why he wants 2 take over the mortgage on his own. I don''t see how I could take the house on by myself on my salary, it wouldn''t even cover the £1k a month repayment let alone the other bills?? And that''s if I could convince the OH to move, which would be nearby impossible!

My OH wants joint custody and has already done "research" and says he will pay £200 p/m support, altho he earns on average £2,500 p/m (I realise this is prob an area for another section of the forum) he wants everything sorted as quickly as possible, I feel like he''s pressuring me to move out.

My head is so messed up right now and am not getting the best sleep on the sofa (he hasn''t offered 2 sleep on the sofa btw lol) aaaarrrrggghhhh!!

The first thing to do is to check what state benefits etc you will be entitled to at www.entitledto.co.uk Once you know what you income will be you can work out if the mortgage is affordable or not.

As for the children shared residence doesn''t have to be 50:50 it can be in different proportions. Most important is that the arrangement is practical. There is no point in one parent demanding care of their children at times they cannot be responsible for them or they aren''t available and need to use childcare when the other parent is able and willing to look after the child.

superbob wrote:

I think he automatically decided that as all this was my decision I should be the one 2 move out and tbh I do feel very guilty.

Well, he is in for a shock then. Guilt or blame has absolutely no bearing on the financial resolution of a divorce. You can feel all the guilt you like but do NOT move out. Think of the children''s best interests. It is not in their interests to be left in a house alone, or to be dragged off into some crappy rental flat with you. It is in their interests to remain in the home and for you to remain with them.

He has a very good job
...
I don''t see how I could take the house on by myself on my salary

The answer to that is spousal maintenance. He has a duty to maintain his children, to keep a roof over their head and their primary carer (ie. you). So what will most likely happen is that he will move out, and will pay you an amount of money each month to cover the mortgage and your other expenses.

And that''s if I could convince the OH to move, which would be nearby impossible!

No it wouldn''t, if you have a divorce petition, and a Consent Order or court application. It would in fact be very simple.

says he will pay £200 p/m support, altho he earns on average £2,500 p/m

Well, he is going to gte a shock when he re-joins the real world. CSA currently say for 2 children, 20% of income, so that is £400 right off the bat. And then there is spousal maintenance on top. He is not going to get off nearly as lightly as he seems to think.

It''s probably a good idea for you to see a solicitor. You seem to have a lot of misconceptions about divorce, I hope I have corrected many of them but I think it would be good to have a professional explain it all to you. Many solicitors do a free half hour initial consultation so really there''s no reason not to. In fact you can have several free half hours with different sols until you find one you like.

I think cookie has offered you sound advice, but there is one important proviso.

That is, you need to be able to afford to live in the house if you are given the right to live there.

When you think about it, this is rather obvious.

Yes, the children are important, and your needs as primary carer are important, but his needs matter too. The Courts cannot, nor will they, make an order which will leave your husband homeless or destitute.

Therefore, where resources are limited, then the issue of how to house both parties is often a matter which requires considerable skill and knowledge.

Yes, your husband has to pay you CSA. He may have to pay you spousal maintenance, but that depends on his income and his ability to pay it.

You need to look at your own income and your ability to augment it. With two young children, working is probably not realistic. What you need to look at is

Tax credits ( and how these may be affected by a separation )
Child benefits
Child support
Spousal maintenance, if appropriate
Council tax benefit
Housing benefit, if appropriate
Income support/JSA

I''m not suggesting that all of these apply but some of them might.

I''m afraid it does sometimes happen that it just not possible to keep the FMH and a sale is then inevitable. I stress, I don''t know whether this applies in your case. If your husband is a high earner then there may be no problem.

I can''t really advise you, except in general terms, because I don''t know enough and a lot can depend on where you happen to live.

How do you react to this ?

LMM