Property and finance issue

Cookie is correct, divorce settlements depend on the specific details and without them posters can only make general comments.

Negotiating a divorce settlement and a change of school for the children, having any agreement drafted into a Consent Order and sealed by the court and selling the former matrimonial home and buying another property before October is going to impossible.

A good starting point is to research property prices so that your friend knows how much she would "need" to house the children adequately for the majority of the time and how much her husband requires to purchase a property suitable for the children to stay overnights. Divorce settlements are about balance and the children won''t be housed in a more expensive property than is adequate if that leaves the other parent with nothing.

Then it''s a case of establishing both parties mortgage raising capabilities. Your friend is unlikely to be able to raise as the same amount of mortgage as her husband which may justify a larger share of capital in her favour.

If the husband earns more than average and SM is indeed a factor the more the capital is shared in your friend''s favour the smaller her mortgage will be reducing her monthly expenditure and her "need" of SM. Her husband would have less capital, higher mortgage payments and less disposable income to pay SM.

Both parent''s have Parental Responsibility which means they have equal responsibility and rights. With everyday parenting each of them may act unilaterally but for important issues such as changing, school, changing names, going on holiday and major medical decisions they need the consent of the other parent or permission from the court.

If your friend and her husband haven''t already tried it might be worth them sitting down and going through the finances and arrangements for children with an impartial mediator in the hope they can find a solution that works for all their family. It only inflames the situation and doesn''t help when third parties get involved and take on the dispute as their own.

On the other hand if they can''t reach any agreement between themselves there is no alternative than start court proceedings. YOur friend might be eligible for legal aid. If not she could consider representing herself.

I''ve tried to condense this to avoid a long post. So much of the background is missing. She has pursued all of the things suggested by posters. Husband aggressive and refuses mediation, amongst other things. She has proven cost of basic housing. The comment about excited and tips and cheats is silly and uncalled for. This is a serious situation. Everyone knows strategy is required in such cases; I was interested to know what different proposals people might have used to reach a successful conclusion where the other party won''t negotiate. Thanks to those who have tried to help.

The only way to move matters to a final conclusion when one party won''t negotiate is to go to court. And then your friend won''t get the outcome she wants. I am really not surprised the husband is being antagonistic if the only proposal on the table means him walking away with nothing. It is the aim of most people on here that the outcome is fair, not heavily biased towards one party or another, I really think your friend is being unrealistic: I had 2 kids under 5, one seriously disabled on a ventilator at home 24/7, my ex earned more that 3 times my income even after all the benefits and both his sol and mine suggested a 75% split in my favour, excluding pensions.

Ps, one last thought might be to consider a mesher order but if he won''t negotiate then court is the only way.

Thanks, Happy Again. The husband has been antagonistic for years. The proposal would give him 70% of the total pot because he''d keep his huge pension. On top of that he''d also be free from mortgage or spousal maintenance. That''s why I think solicitor thought it an option. Mesher would be worse. Again, I expect my succinctness has not helped understanding here. Appreciate your taking time to help.

Pensions are not considered in the same way as cash in the bank, income or equity in a house as these benefits are deferred apart from anything else do not leave the person with that with financial freedom at the point of the split.

To give you a real life example (although I appealed this but not the pension) at my final hearing despite the fact that it was a longish marriage, three children one severly disabled and that both of us were self employed (I had been all our married life) and that the entire marital pension was in my husbands name (I was the only one who bought any pension into the marriage) - my ex was awarded all the pension and told that it was not at all relevent to the financial split of assets.

Our ages at that time were 46 me and 42 him.

If you post the full information then I am sure people will give a better view - I would add that just because her solicitor says yes go for that offer it does not mean that it is a fair one or that a court or another solicitor would agree.

(Yes and she was told that she could argue for more than 50% split of pensions as she younger and female so likely to live longer!)
Your last point hits the nail directly on the head and this is the frustration in not really knowing what possible offer could move her forward as solicitors seem to be reluctant to call a spade a spade and advise rather than just inform. Hence my own research efforts! Horrified at your pension non-award btw.