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Can Anyone Define \"Separated\" in this context ?

  • Gingerkitty
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20 Mar 08 #17267 by Gingerkitty
Topic started by Gingerkitty
Hi All
My X2B and I are still living in the MH but he declares on any forms that we are "separated".

Can anyone help with the meaning of separated whilst living together in the MH?

I have managed to persuade him to sleep in another room,I dont do any washing and ironing for him, I avoid all contact, even though he still thinks he has the right to touch and make suggestive remarks to me. I still cook for him as I have to cook for myself and two adult children of the family and to save the expense of cooking twice I put food for him (I pay the utilities so dont want to incur any extra cost by him cooking after me using extra "fuel" - he doesnt contribute anything to household expenses, not even grocery bills - buts that another story!!).

It seems that he still wants the penny and the bun, choosing to say that we are separated in order to convince his "tarts" that its OK to be seen with one or other of them, and to stay overnight, but still demands to have the comforts of a home life, albeit only cooking!!

I am also annoyed that I have to still tell him where I am going and what time I will be home, he says this is because "he needs to know in order to make his own arrangements if I dont cook for him" - I am still being controlled even though he has decided that he is going to divorce me!!

I am chasing his solicitors (via mine) to try and get things moving but its all come to an abrupt stop. I dont even know if the divorce petition has been issued yet and that is 6 weeks from when I had a letter informing me that divorce proceedings were shortly to be issued.

I'm confused!!! Any advice and help as always fully appreciated.

  • dukey
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20 Mar 08 #17311 by dukey
Reply from dukey
Hello Gingerkitty

Its not easy to live in the same house and be seperated in a way that you can obtain a divorce after two years.

You both must live independently no domestic or social interaction you cant cook for him and he cant work his life based on when you will be home, you must live two seperate lives but under the same roof (im not sure i could), so good luck gingerkitty and read him the riot act over the improper touching.


  • kidsinbulgaria
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20 Mar 08 #17313 by kidsinbulgaria
Reply from kidsinbulgaria
Hi GK,

As Dukey says but imagine this for 2 years !!

- have separate food storage areas in the kitchen
- do not eat together, share meals (even at separate times) or make drinks for each other
- spend leisure time in different rooms of the house
- do not share couple activities like outings, watching television, DIY or gardening
- undertake any childcare separately
- separate their finances as much as possible
- discontinue any sexual relationship
- agree that the situation will not stay the same indefinitely: there is an intention that one partner will leave – whether before or after actual decree received

The question begs, would you not be able to go for a non time limited option like UB (unreasonable behaviour) ?

Unreasonable behaviour - How bad does it have to be?
The most serious allegations of unreasonable behaviour tend to involve violence by one party to the marriage towards the other and, occasionally, even to the children of the family.

Other common allegations of behaviour include drunkenness, verbal abuse, mental cruelty and public humiliation.

Lesser examples of unreasonable behaviour, but nevertheless still worthy examples, include excessive jealousy, accusations of adulterous relationships, failing to help with household chores, financial incompetence leading to money problems, and a refusal to discuss marriage difficulties.

There is no single necessary ingredient. The court will simply consider the allegations in broad terms and decide whether the party who has made the allegations of unreasonable behaviour can, in the light of that behaviour, be reasonably expected to live with their spouse.

The courts adopt a realistic attitude. They know that if one party to a marriage feels so strongly about it as to issue a divorce petition the marriage has irretrievably broken down so far as that person is concerned and it would be futile to pretend otherwise. The courts therefore adopt quite a relaxed attitude to the exact type of "unreasonable behaviour" which one has to allege in order to get the divorce. It is important to understand this.

Hope this helps...


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